


What Happens In Venice

by Evil_Knitter (Nichneven13)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book: New Moon, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-18
Updated: 2010-02-18
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nichneven13/pseuds/Evil_Knitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saving Edward's life was surprisingly easy. It felt good. It felt even better to make him laugh.</p><p>Canon compliant until Edward decides to go to the Volturi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Threat Level: Red

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - All characters and original plots belong to Stephenie Meyer and her affiliates. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.

Jacob's jaw shifted, grinding his teeth together in frustration. He was too good. He blamed his father. It was always the parents' fault, how a kid turned out, right? Couldn't Billy have been a drinker, or at least a little unsupportive? But no, Billy was a good man—and the unfortunate result was that  _Jacob_  was a good kid.

Dammit.

Alice Cullen stuck a jar of Vick's Vapor Rub under Jacob's nose. He jerked away out of instinct. After all, she was a vampire and he was a werewolf.

"It's mentholatum ointment," Alice said in a low voice. "It might help with the smell. Coroner's use it during autopsies."

Death always managed to come up around vampires.

"I can barely smell you," Alice said and pushed the jar closer to his face. Jacob stared at it. "You'll be glad you listened to me."

"Did your freaky ESP tell you that?"

"No," she said, her perfect brow creasing in annoyance. "I can't see you. But I can smell you. And if you think I smell half as bad as I think  _you_  smell, then you'll try the mentholatum."

"Yeah, okay," Jacob jammed his first two fingers deep into the ointment, making sure they were both thoroughly coated. He held his fingers up and looked at Alice. "Where do I put it?"

"I was  _going_  to tell you to just dab a little at the base of your nostrils."

"Oh," he looked at the mess on his fingers and shrugged. He ran his fingers back and forth over his top lip. He rubbed the remainder on his faded black jeans and turned to Alice again, grinning. "If a little works, then a lot works better."

"Okay, let's go over the plan," Alice said. She pulled a red silk scarf from her purse and started smoothing the wrinkles. "We'll land in about fifteen minutes and—"

"Hold on," Jacob held both hands out to silence her. "You're telling me that you made me suffer through  _hours_  of smelling you before you thought to offer up the mint rub?"

"Well," Alice smirked and picked a piece of fluff off her pristine jacket. "I'm nice, but I'm not  _that_  nice."

"What the hell was I thinking?" Jacob pressed his forefingers into his temples. "I think I've changed my mind. I'm done being nice. Save the leech on your own."

"I'm sorry, Jacob," Alice said immediately. She would apologize to her worst enemy if it meant saving Edward from himself. "I should have offered earlier. I didn't think you would take it from me… but mostly I was being petty. I am truly sorry."

He was slightly mollified, which in turn horrified him. He should  _not_  be mollified by a vampire's apology. When he thought about it, he shouldn't be traveling with a vampire. Not only was he too good, he was also too stupid for his own good.

"Bella would want you to do this, Jacob," Alice said. She reached over to touch his arm, but stopped just in time, with her fingers hovering over his brown skin. "You didn't want me to tell Bella about Edward's decision to go to the Volturri.  _You_  offered to help me save him."

"Fine, but if you touch me," Jacob warned. "I will tear your hands off."

"Can we please talk about the plan?"

"I would like nothing more," Jacob said through gritted teeth. He figured sarcasm translated to the dead.

They bowed their heads together, both reeking of Vapor Rub, and planned to save their nemesis—or brother, depending on your point of view—from making a huge mistake.

Jacob stood in the middle of the cobble-stoned street in Volterra and stared at Edward, who was slowly unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes darted to the clock tower over Edward's head—one minute to spare. He gently pushed the celebrants of Volterra out of his way as he snaked his way to his enemy. He wasn't rushing, per se, but he didn't dawdle. He knew Bella would never forgive him if she found out her blood-sucking boyfriend died because he was too slow.

He walked right up to Edward and stopped, waiting for Edward to notice him. The clock donged impressively. Noon. Time for the show.

Edward kept his eyes trained on a spot above Jacob's head. Jacob climbed the first two steps, putting himself directly in Edward's line of sight. He saw the vampire's eyes flicker and focus on the face in front of him.

"Hey, Cullen."

"Jacob Black?"

"You remember me," Jacob said, briefly impressed. He'd only met Edward once, if you could count their ever-so-brief encounter at prom.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked. His face registered shock and curiosity. "And why do you smell like a… cough drop?"

"It's mentholatum," he corrected and then shook his head to refocus his attention. It didn't matter what he smelled like at the moment. He had flown to Italy to save the vampire, not discuss cologne choices. "Look, I'm here to stop you from killing yourself."

" _What_?" The curiosity slid off Edward's face like a child down a Crisco-coated metal slide.

"Bella's alive and she sent very specific instructions that you  _not die_ ," Jacob said. He was glad to be absolved of message duty. He moved his head to look into Edward's bizarre golden eyes. "Did you hear me? Because I'm about to walk away and if you go ahead and die anyway, I'm going to catch hell from Bella."

"She's alive?" Edward shook his head as if he didn't believe the boy in front of him. "But Alice saw her jump off—and Rosalie said…"

"Yeah, Alice saw Bella  _cliff diving_ ," Jacob pantomimed diving. "You know, for fun? At least, it's supposed to be fun. I don't get it, but whatever. Anyway, she wasn't trying to kill herself and she's not dead."

"How is that possible?" Edward asked, his tone saturated with incredulity. "She nearly loses her life just by walking out Charlie's door. How could she survive cliff diving?"

"Well," Jacob lifted his heavy eyebrows and sniffed proudly. "I had a little hand in that. I saw her jump and I went in after her. She only drowned a little. A little chest compression and she was  _presto_  better."

Edward fell silent. Jacob waited, rocking back and forth on his toes and looking at the doorway they stood in. Italian architecture at it's best. He'd never been out of the country before—unless you counted Canada, and Jacob did not. He wished he'd been able to travel on his own accord, to somewhere  _he_ wanted to go, but he knew that without Alice's impressive stack of cash, he never would've seen Italy. He'd rather Edward would've tried to off himself in Rome or Venice; at least he could've seen some sites. Who even ever heard of Volterra?

"What are  _you_  doing here, Jacob?" Edward asked again. He turned and walked into the building behind him, buttoning his shirt as he went. The suicide threat level plummeted from red to blue.

"Bella left her passport in Phoenix," Jacob said, correctly assuming that what Edward really wanted to know was why Bella herself hadn't flown to the rescue. "She was freaking out and Alice said you'd be able to hear her coming. I was drafted because I am the idiot best friend who continuously satisfies the girl's every whim despite the inevitable pain it causes me. And because I have a current passport."

Edward blinked. "You are very interesting, Jacob."

"Sure, sure, I get that a lot."

Edward laughed, surprising himself as well as Jacob. He gestured for Jacob to follow him down a hallway and out a door that deposited them in a dark alley. Alice stood at the end of the alley, a dark umbrella shading her from the sun.

"Hello, Alice," Edward said softly. Before he finished saying her name, she had her arms around his neck, the umbrella banging inconsiderately into Jacob's head. "I hear Bella is alive and well."

Alice's lips began moving, but Jacob heard nothing. Her words flew so quickly through the air and into Edward's ears that they never truly existed. Jacob turned his gaze to Edward's face, which flitted between shock, outrage and disbelief. Finally, he swung his murderous gaze to Jacob.

"Whoa," Jacob held up his hands and stepped back. "I just saved your life. Respect that."

"You are a  _werewolf_?"

"Oh, that. Well, yeah."

"Wait—there's more?" Edward glanced at Alice, who grimaced. His eyes narrowed as he plucked the image of besotted Jacob capitulating to Bella's pleas to save her undead boyfriend. ".In. _Love_.With. _My_.Girlfriend?"

"Technically, she's not your girlfriend."

Edward snarled and snapped his gleaming teeth. Technicalities be damned.

"And  _technically_ ," Jacob said, ignoring the dangerous glint in Edward's eyes. "I  _was_  in love with Bella, but currently… not so much."

Edward abruptly fell silent at that news. He quickly scanned for any proof of deception, but Jacob's thoughts were benign—at least as they concerned Bella. His thoughts about Edward and his belated regret in flying off to Italy to save an ungrateful blood-sucking bastard who was actually  _snarling_  at him, well, that was different.

Edward smiled at that, because he couldn't stop himself. Bella was alive and the werewolf was not in love with her. Life was good, or at least better than it had been three minutes before.

"Thank you, Jacob Black," Edward said formally, inclining his head in a slight bow. "For saving my life. I am  _grateful_  and would continue to be so, if you will join me for dinner."

Jacob's thoughts stuttered down to one:  _He's asking me to dinner? He eats dinner?_

"Yes, dinner, and no, I won't eat."

"Oh, yeah," Jacob laughed with no true humor. "Bella told me you could read people's mind. Guess I forgot. We haven't really talked about you much. Not recently."

Edward nodded. It shouldn't hurt him to hear that he was not part of their conversations, but it did. He was selfish; he could admit that without difficulty. He wanted Bella to be happy… but he didn't want her to forget him so easily. Hell, he'd be on the cusp of returning to Forks to beg Bella to take him back.

But then he'd heard the news. She was supposed to be dead. That worked well in Edward's self-martyrdom. He could work with the fact that she was dead. He knew what to do—kill himself. Now that she was alive, he was plummeted back into indecision.

 _Please don't come back to Forks_ , Jacob thought. Edward knew the boy wasn't addressing him directly. It was more a prayer sent up to the universe.  _Bella is normal again. She's got a good thing going with Quil. She's happy. She_ deserves  _to be happy. Finally._

"Oh," Alice said from her sentry at Edward's side. "That's surprising."

"What?" Jacob asked.

"You're not coming home," Alice said, looking up at her brother. "Whyever not?"

"Bella is happy," he said. He forced a smile and swore he could feel his skin creak under the unfamiliar expression. He had not smiled since the night Jasper attacked Bella at her birthday party. "I will not cause her any further pain. I will endure in silence."

"You are so dramatic," Jacob laughed. He drew his arm in front of his face, striking the classic vampire-with-a-cloak pose. "I vill suffer zee pain of my heartbreak alone in my coffin. Ah-ah-ahhhh!"

"What was  _that_?" Edward asked, his eyebrows shooting up. "Was that supposed to be Dracula… or The Count from Sesame Street?"

"Neither," Jacob laughed and dropped his arm. "I was going for that douche in those books all the girls are reading these days."

Edward laughed, too. He felt drunk, like he couldn't control his reaction to the tall, dark boy who had flow around the world to save him from himself. He cut off his laugh abruptly and stared at Jacob.

"Let's get out of here," Edward said.

Alice danced down the alley, twirling with her umbrella held high overhead. Jacob whistled "Singin' In the Rain" and followed Alice at an easy lope. Edward stood back and watched the pair of them, wondering what his future held now that he could finally let Bella go.


	2. That's What She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys taken in the sights of Venice. Edward broods.

"When you said 'let's get out of here'," Jacob said in a bemused voice. "I thought you meant out of the alley. Maybe chill at a café or get a gelato."

"We  _did_  get out of the alley," Edward said with the innocence of an altar boy caught stealing sacramental wine.

"Um," Jacob swept his arm wide, gesturing to the picturesque scene behind him, backlit by the red and violet lights of an Italian sunset. "Just…  _um_."

"Venice is definitely out of the alley," Edward said. His lips twitched at the corners. He was amused by Jacob's theatrical look of disbelief and wild gesticulations.

"You Cullens have a flare for overdoing everything, don't you?" Jacob accused. He leaned over the railing of the balcony to peer at the waterway flowing below. "If you get a hankering to hear some David Hasselhoff tunes, I'm just going to assume we're going to head to Germany, okay?"

"That's ridiculous," Edward snapped. Jacob glanced over his shoulder, curious as to the sharpness in Edward's voice. "How dare you insinuate  _I_ listen to The Hoff!"

"Yeah, sorry about that," Jacob laughed. He pushed away from the railing and joined Edward inside the hotel suite. "That was a low-blow. Even leeches have better taste than  _that_. Except maybe German leeches."

Edward chuckled and could not help but keep their banter alive. "I do know a vampire by the name of Hans that was at The Hoff's Berlin Wall concert. He's been a Hoff-hard fan ever since."

"As God as my witness," Jacob said, crossing his heart and hoping to die, but not literally. "If I ever meet Hans, I will kill him for that fact alone."

"And what are your musical tastes?" Edward asked because he could not help himself. He was having fun with the banal conversation, which was weird for him. "What does your superior wolf senses enjoy?"

"I sense your sarcasm," Jacob said as flopped down on the pristine ivory colored couch. "And choose to ignore it. My superior wolf ears like classic rock. Zeppelin, The Who, AC/DC, Hendrix, The Beatles before they dropped acid, that kind of thing."

"Figures."

"Why does it figure?"

"I don't know," Edward said with a shrug. "Classic rock is grungy and hard. Like you."

"Dude," Jacob said, offended.

"What?"

"I am not grungy."

"But you  _are_  hard?"

"That's what she said," Jacob deadpanned. He raised his fist and offered it to Edward, wanting a dap for his comedic efforts. "Don't leave me hangin', bro."

"Who's she?" Edward asked, confused. He eyed Jacob's fist suspiciously. Was the boy trying to punch him in extreme slow motion? "She said you're hard? Hanging?"

"Exactly."

Edward shook his head in frustration. He delved into Jacob's thoughts to find out WTF he was talking about. Oh.  _That's what she said_. He got it… and he found it hilarious. The normally stoic vampire doubled over and howled.

Jacob gaped at Edward. He couldn't be certain, but he  _thought_  the vampire was laughing. Hard. "That's what she said," he muttered to himself. Then, he started snickering.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

Jacob jumped at the sound of Alice's voice, but couldn't stop his laughter. He rolled off the couch and crashed to the floor. Several feet away, Edward slid to the floor as well. His eyes were bright and shiny.

Alice's mouth opened and shut several times, like a guppy yanked from a fish tank. She wasn't sure, but she thought Edward was  _laughing_. She tried to remember the last time Edward had been afflicted with the giggles. She had decades' worth of memories to sift through, but to save her undead life, she came up empty. She had never heard Edward laugh like he'd wet his pants if he could.

 _Well_ , she thought,  _this is interesting. He probably won't do it long. I'll just ride it out_.

" _That_ 's what  _she_  said!" Edward yelled from the floor in response to Alice's thoughts. Jacob gasped for air and flapped his arms in an apparent attempt to beg for mercy. "Ride it out! That's what  _she_  said!"

Alice blinked slowly, sure she was losing her mind. Her brother was laughing. With a werewolf. In Venice. After attempting suicide. He was  _laughing_.

How inappropriate.

"That was great," Edward said as he lounged on the couch Jacob had fallen off mere hours before.

"I was afraid you'd snapped," Alice admitted. She sat on the floor near Edward's head and wrapped her arms around her knees. She stared at her brother as if he had the answer to life, the universe and everything (42, duh) was inscribed on his visage. "I've never seen you laugh like that. I didn't think you knew how."

"I  _didn't_ ," Edward mused. He touched his face where he found his muscles actually sore from the extended laugh session. "All it took were four little words could teach me."

"That's what she said," Alice mimicked Jacob's gravelly voice. She chuckled and shook her head. "It wasn't the words, Edward. It was  _him_. He's funny. He  _stinks_ , but he is funny."

"Yeah," Edward said with a big smile that made him groan and rub his cheeks. "He's hilarious."

"I'm going back home tomorrow," Alice said abruptly.

Edward snapped his eyes to her. He did not want to lose his favorite sister so soon. He had missed the easy companionship she offered. He considered leaving with her. It wasn't like he had to return to Forks. His family hadn't been back to Forks since The Great Cullen Exodus of '09.

"You aren't coming home just yet," Alice said before Edward could commit to returning with her. He looked at her, momentarily confused. She tapped her temple. "I've seen it. You are staying in Venice. With Jacob."

"I never imagined Venice would smell so gross," Jacob said as he and Edward sat in a terrifically tacky gondola. Edward had suggested taking a private water taxi for their tour of the Grand Canal, but Jacob insisted on experiencing it like a tourist. "It's so dirty."

"The tide is low," Edward explained. He watched the stars with his hands locked behind his head. "Where's your Vick's Vapor Rub? That might help."

Jacob snorted—and regretted it immediately when he got two nostrils full of  _eau de Venice_. "Ugh."

"All I smell is you," Edward said, wrinkling his own nose.

"Lucky you," Jacob said with a smile. "I have the smell of a young Marlon Brando."

"You  _what_?" Edward laughed at the odd remark. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know," Jacob admitted. "It just came out."

"You make me laugh," Edward said.

"Yay?" Jacob's brow crinkled. "Did you just compliment me on my comedic stylings?"

"I did," Edward sounded as surprised as Jacob looked. He cast a glance at the wolf. "I don't give compliments lightly."

"Well then, it's an honor," Jacob bowed at the waist and removed a pretend hat from his head. "Thank you, my liege."

Edward laughed again. It still sounded foreign to his ears, but he was glad the rusty quality was fading. He watched as the Ponte del Sospiri passed overhead. He turned his eyes to Jacob who had his face tipped back in awe.

"You said Bella is dating someone named Quil." It wasn't a question. Edward needed to know for sure that Bella was happy and safe.

"Yeah," Jacob said in a soft, reverent voice. He didn't continue until the gondola had cleared the lovely arch of the Bridge of Sighs. "Quil Atera. He's one of my best friends."

"Is he a werewolf as well?"

"Yeah."

Edward sighed deeply.

"You don't approve?" Jacob guessed. "What gives?"

"Werewolves are not safe."

"That's rich," Jacob snorted again. And regretted it again. Ugh, the stink.

"What?"

"You're a  _vampire_ ," Jacob said in his most Captain Obvious voice. "How is dating a werewolf more dangerous than that?"

"I never would have hurt her," Edward said, offended at the implication that he was dangerous. He stumbled a bit on that thought. Clearly, he  _was_ dangerous. That was the whole reason he left Bella in the first place. But that was merely semantics. Werewolf equal  _danger_.

"Quil won't either," Jacob insisted. "He can't hurt her. He…"

Edward waited for Jacob to fill in his  _dot dot dot_. He prided himself on his ability to wait. He was an Olympic waiter, captain of the U.S. Waiting Team.

"Well," Jacob cleared his throat and slid onto the bench farthest away from the vampire. His eyes darted around until Edward fancied himself face to face with Mad-Eye Moody. "Quil sorta imprinted on Bella."

"Imprinted?" Edward asked. He'd never heard the term before. He dipped into Jacob's thoughts and got the Dummies Guide to Imprinting. I felt my jaw slacken and fall open. "Unbelievable."

Jacob eyed Edward speculatively. He had expected to be attacked for breaking that news. He waited for more insight on the vampire's feelings, but Jacob would never medal in Waiting. Hell, he wouldn't even get to the qualifiers.

"What's unbelievable?"

"This should hurt more," Edward said. He touched his fingers to his chest, where his unbeating heart resided. He met Jacob's eyes and smiled. "It does hurt, of course it does, but I'm okay. I can believe that Quil will never endanger her. I'm  _glad_  she found her soul mate."

Jacob wasn't sure if he believed it. The guy had been willing to be torn apart by some ancient ruling class vampires a week ago, because he thought Bella was dead. But hearing that she'd fallen in love with a new kind of monster—that was all right? He shook his head in disbelief.

The gondola pulled up to the dock abutting their hotel. Jacob jumped out and watched Edward pass several folded euros to the gondolier. Edward paused with one foot on the dock and turned back to the gondolier. He spoke to him in quick, accented Italian. Jacob could hear the question mark at the end of Edward's words. The Italian nodded his head vigorously. Edward settled back into his seat.

"I'm going to stay out a little longer," he told Jacob. He gestured for the gondolier to push away from the dock. "I'll see you in the morning."

He stood on the dock and watched Edward glide away. Jacob didn't know what to do with his alone time. He'd been with Edward for eight days. He'd grown accustomed to the vampire's constant companionship. He hesitated to say he missed Edward, but it was something close to that.

Jacob couldn't explain why he'd stayed in Venice when Alice left. Sure, Edward had offered to show him the city to show his gratitude for Jacob's life saving efforts. But that's not why he really stayed. It wasn't even because Alice flat refused to let him fly back with her on account of the smell. She had left him with an open-ended ticket and enough euros to buy and sell the Republic of Djbouti. He could've left at anytime. But he didn't.

He wandered away from the hotel toward Piazza San Marco. He and Edward had spent hours in the Piazza earlier that day, laughing as hundreds of pigeons gathered around them. The birds seemed unconcerned by the boys' monstrosities. Or, they were  _more_  concerned with Jacob's flaky pasticciotti.

"Help me, E," Jacob begged, using the nickname he'd given the other boy after declaring Edward to be 'too Jane Austen' for Jacob to take seriously.

Edward laughed as Jacob swatted at the aggressive birds. Jacob protected his pastry with a growl. He hid it behind his back with one hand while the other swiped through the air. Edward covered his mouth to contain his amusement as a contingent of ninja pigeons deftly plucked the pastry from Jacob's hand.

"Hey!" Jacob spun around and lunged for the birds, determined to reclaim his treat. The birds flew fast and high despite being burdened with pasticciotti. Jacob shot a glare Edward's direction. "You could've helped, you traitor. See if I ever save your life again."

"Had I known my debt to you could be absolved by saving your breakfast," Edward responded good-naturedly. "I would have gallantly slaughtered the lot of those flying rats."

"Hey," Jacob said again, only in a low voice that mirrored the emotion in his eyes. It was something like regret. Before Edward could remark on it, Jacob smoothed away the crease in his features and smiled. "You're not getting off that easily."

Edward burst into maniacal laughter. "That's what _she_ said!"


	3. Kamikaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When in Venice, do as the Venetians do... karaoke!

On Thursday nights, the hot Venetian club Lido gave up its pulsing lights and pounding dance beats. The lights rose to a shadowy pub atmosphere with one spotlight trained on a small makeshift stage. A dozen or so round tables sat scattered around the dance floor. In the center of each table was a spiral bound book with a collage of musical clip art images. A music note, a guitar, a microphone and, oddly, a chicken.

"You're, what, three hundred years old, right?"

"I'm barely over  _one_  hundred," Edward corrected. He followed Jacob to a table tucked into a dark corner of Lido.

"Same difference," Jacob sat down and waved off Edward's scowl. "You're old as ass. So, I can't believe you've never done this before."

"There are plenty of things I've never done before," Edward said stoically. His eyes flashed and he bit his lip as if trying not to speak. Jacob noticed.

"That's what she said?" Jacob asked with a sympathetic grimace.

" _Yes_ ," Edward admitted with a gusty sigh. "Dammit, Jacob, what have you done to me? Everything makes me want to say it."

"Sorry, man," Jacob laughed. "It happens to everyone after their TWSS cherry is popped."

"So what do we do now?" Edward asked as he looked around the room. He was ready to put TWSS behind him. People were looking through the books and writing on small pads of paper.

"First, pick a song," Jacob slid the thick book across the table. "Then, write it on a piece of paper. And third, take it up to the KJ."

"KJ?" Edward opened the book from the back to start at the Zs. "As in karaoke jockey?"

"Exactly," Jacob hopped up and leaned over Edward's shoulder to scan the song list. He flipped expertly to the S section. He reached out and slid his finger down the page, looking for his favorite karaoke song. Edward leaned imperceptibly away from the wolf. Jacob tapped the page. "Hell yeah, they have it."

Edward raised his eyebrows, taken back by the other boy's song choice. "You're singing that?"

"Yep," Jacob scribbled the song title and catalog number on a small paper square. "I can sing the pants off  _Stand By Your Man_. Lyle Lovett did it, too. Don't hate."

"You know, " Edward said absently. He scanned the pages of the book looking for a suitable song. "I can sing very well."

"No duh, E," Jacob said and clapped him on the shoulder. At Edward's questioning look, Jacob elaborated. "You're good at everything, right?"

"Hardly," Edward rolled his eyes. He was still struggling with the click languages of Africa. And he had yet to master the art of making biscuits without burning the bottoms. And hospital corners defied him. "Why would you think that?"

"Bella," Jacob said as if that explained everything. And it did. Edward smiled even as his heart twisted in pain. She had always accused him of being flawless. "Of course," Jacob continued. " _I_  know that is complete BS."

"Oh yeah?" Edward rearranged his features into his cockiest expression. He was in the mood to laugh and he understood Jacob operated in a series of light-hearted barbs and taunts. He wanted to invite those weapons of humor. "I'm pretty damn awesome. In fact, I'm about to blow your mind, wolf boy. Karaoke is my bitch."

"So says the K-virgin," Jacob scoffed. His lips turned up in a wicked smile. "Tell you what, if you're so confident in your mad skills, let me kamikaze you."

"Do what?"

"Kamikaze karaoke," Jacob snatched the songbook out of Edward's hands and thumbed through the pages. "You have to sing whatever song I choose. And you don't get to know what it is until you get to the stage. It's hardcore. I totally get it if you're too chicken."

Edward considered it. He was familiar with almost every song ever recorded. He was a gifted musician and a consummate collector of records, 8-tracks, cassette tapes, CDs, MP3s, MP4s, etc. He  _knew_  music. He did not doubt his ability to make karaoke his absolutely submissive bitch.

"You're on," Edward said. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his long legs at the ankles. "Do your worst."

"You're going to regret saying that, blood bag," Jacob said as he leaned down close to the table. He covered the slip of paper with his forearm as he wrote the song information for the mystery song.

Edward's confidence gave a little stutter when Jacob waggled his eyebrows and snickered. He smiled though, and reached out with his mind to discover the name of the song using his immense mind powers. Ha, he thought… until he encountered a wall of  _lalalalalalalalalalala_  from Jacob. Grrr.

"Please," Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as Jacob returned to their table with a smug look on his face. " _Please_  tell me it's not Y.M.C.A."

"That would've been so funny," Jacob said. Disappointment danced across his face, but before Edward could register relief, Jacob grinned. "I picked something much better."

"Oh god."

"Hey, where'd you go the other night?" Jacob asked suddenly, throwing Edward for a mental loop. "When you left in the gondola. Where'd you go?"

"I wanted to stay out longer," Edward said. He thought that was explanation enough, but Jacob's  _Annnd?_ face told him otherwise. "I needed to consider the ramifications of returning home. I didn't want to disturb your sleep."

"Oh, so you're one of those loud thinkers?" Jacob asked sarcastically. He hadn't meant to ask Edward for an explanation for leaving him that night. He mentally kicked himself in the shin and shot himself a pointed look to shut the hell up.

"No," Edward said. "But  _you_  are. Like now. Why are you thinking about kicking your own shin?"

Instead of answering, Jacob jumped up and hurried to the bar. He had a halting conversation with the bartender that included broken English, grunts and dramatic gesticulation. Finally, the bartender shook Jacob's hand and disappeared into the store room behind the bar.

Edward had of course heard the exchange and chuckled. He made his way to Jacob's side and leaned over to whisper: "Absinthe was banned here in 1913."

"Giancarlo has some he's willing to share," Jacob said. He turned his head to smile at Edward. "I've always wanted to try it."

"How did you get him to agree to give it to you?"

"I told him you'd make out with him."

Edward sputtered. He hadn't sputtered since 1918.

"Settle down, E," Jacob laughed and nudged him in the arm. "Giancarlo said he doesn't swing that way. I had to resort to Plan B—the Alice Cullen Guilt and Relocation Fund."

Edward stared at Jacob, wondering if he'd truly tried to barter a kiss for the highly illegal psychotropic beverage. He didn't put it past the outrageous boy.

The apparently straight Giancarlo reappeared and slid a discreet paper bag across the counter. Jacob peeled off several high-marked euros and handed them to the bartender, who spoke to Jacob in hushed Italian.

"He said to be careful," Edward interpreted with an amused smile. "And that you'll need a sugar cube and a strainer to fully experience it. Don't worry, I know how to prepare it."

Jacob shot him an incredulous look.

"What?" Edward said. " _You_  are the one who said I'm good at everything. Well, everything includes mixing spirits, even if they are illegal."

"Mixing spirits? Did you seriously just say that?"

Before Edward could defend his archaic language, the KJ called Jacob's name. He pushed the bag containing the absinthe into Edward's arms and bounded toward the stage. Edward returned to the table and sat transfixed as Jacob channeled Tammy Wynette.

"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman," Jacob sang in a raspy tenor. He threw Edward a heavily exaggerated wink. Edward's eyebrows tried to crawl into his hairline. "Giving all your love to just one man."

"You'll have bad times, and he'll have good times," Jacob sang, putting a little twang on his words. Edward had to admit the boy sounded good. "Doin' things that you don't understand. But if you love him," Jacob stretched a hand out to the audience with a desperate look on his face. "You'll forgive him, even though he's hard to understand."

The crowd at Lido came to life and started  _woo-hoo_ ing and  _yeah_ ing as Jacob continued to flirt from the stage.

"And if you love him," he crooned. "Ohhhhhh, be proud of him, 'cause after all, he's just a man."

Jacob wrapped his free arm around his own torso and swayed in a pretend embrace: "Stand by your man! Give him two arms to cling to and something warm to come to."

Edward laughed aloud when Jacob leapt from the stage and held the microphone out to the audience and yelled, "Sing it, my people!"

"Stand by your man!" the crowd sang along with Jacob, who cupped his hand to his ear to encourage louder singing. "And show the world you love him! Keep giving all the love you can. Stannnnd byyyyy your maaaaaaan!"

The chorus repeated and Edward found himself on his feet singing and swaying with the rest of the Lido patrons.

After the deafening cheers subsided, Jacob returned to the table, grinning like a hyena. He held the microphone out to Edward. "Top that, Elvira."

Edward was up. He took the microphone and headed to the stage. The crowd eyed him with reserved expectation. They were still smiling from Jacob's interactive performance. They were hungry for more entertainment. Edward swallowed past a nervous lump in his throat. He was a little scared of the humans staring at him. He wished Jacob's thoughts had given him a clue to the song he was about to undertake. There was a reason kamikaze pilots were extinct—because it sucked.

He reached the stage and peered down at the screen listing the song he was about to sing. Son of a bitch. He whipped around and glared at Jacob, who smirked at him and quirked his eyebrows in a clear challenge. Edward realized he was trapped. Jacob expected him to fail—or back out. Fuck that, Edward thought. He would  _own_ the song, And kill Jacob immediately thereafter.

He turned to the KJ and asked him to drop the pitch of the song to suit his voice. The song. The  _stupid_  song:  _And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going_. From Dream Girls. Seriously. As the song began, Edward squared his shoulders and committed to the performance of his very long, undead life.

"And I'm telling you I'm not going," Edward sang, starting low with his head bent. He snapped his head up and stared directly at Jacob. "You're the best man I'll ever know. There's no way I can ever go."

Jacob's eyes sparkled with humor. He had thrown down the gauntlet and by god, Edward had picked it up and was going Jennifer Hudson on its ass.

The assemblage chuckled when they heard the song Edward was attempting to sing. The regulars had heard many renditions of the famed song. They knew it required a certain finesse, a cool stage presence and a high level of skill. They settled in, waiting for the pale American to fall flat.

Edward kept his eyes trained on Jacob, singing to the boy. His beautiful clear voice snuck through the stale air in the club like a cat stalking a sock-covered foot dangling from a couch.

"We're part of the same place. We're part of the same time," Edward's voice rose slightly as he sang each line. The audience realized the singer had no intention of falling flat—or sharp. "We both share the same blood. We both have the same mind. And time and time we have so much to share." He drew a deep breath for the benefit of the watching humans and let loose: "No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not wakin' up tomorrow morning and finding that there's nobody there."

The room erupted in cheers as he continued. He stomped his foot and brought his fist up in an angry gesture as he lit fire to this, the torchiest of torch songs.

"TEAR down the mountains!" Edward slashed his arm through the air. The crowd whooped. "YELL, scream and shout! You can say what you want. I'm not walkin' out," he jumped from the stage and staggered to a nearby table filled with eager onlookers. "STOP all the rivers. Push, strike and  _kill_ ," he shot an ironic wink/smile combo to Jacob at that line. "I'm not gonna leave you, there's no way I will!"

Jacob's mouth fell open. He never dreamed Edward would actually sing that song. He had given the KJ a back up song— _Karma Chameleon_ —in anticipation of Edward's objection. It had been a  _joke_. But the joke was on Jacob. Edward was masterful… and he was letting his drag queen flag fly high and proud.

The audience was on their feet,  _woo_ ing at fever pitch as Edward slowly weaved through the tables, letting his fingertips trail along each surface. His eyes were locked on Jacob's with the intensity of an alcoholic at a distillery.

"Love me, love me," Edward's angelic voice begged. Jacob shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. How far would Edward take his drag show? Would he climb into his lap? Touch him? Do… other things? Edward's eyes lit up in anticipation and Jacob knew his thoughts had reached Edward. "Love me, Love me."

Edward dropped to his knees by Jacob's chair. The crowd followed behind him and pressed close. Jacob cast a look around at their flushed faces. He belatedly realized he'd chosen the wrong song, especially considering his own rendition of  _Stand By Your Man_. The crowd anticipated an epically gay show.

"You're gonna love…." Edward stretched his considerable vocal muscles and dived into a series of runs. The humans clapped and whistled. Edward leaned close to Jacob and, leaving a mere inch of air between their bodies, slowly slid up until he was face to face with the other boy. Jacob gulped. "Meeeeeeee…"

The people surrounding them hooted and hollered, pumping their collective fists in the air, and chanted: "Bacio! Bacio!"

Jacob wondered what that meant, but Edward knew.  _Kiss_!


	4. Like This and Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you, like... gayish?" Jacob asked, scrunching up his nose in confusion.
> 
> "Gayish?"
> 
> "Yeah," Jacob nodded. "Do you ever go gay?"
> 
> "Not really..."
> 
> "Not really?"
> 
> "Well," Edward said, and started to finger the lip of the votive candleholder on the table. "There was this one time... Why are we talking about this?"

Edward set the microphone on the table beside him and smirked at Jacob. "Checkmate."

Jacob opened his mouth to tell Edward that saying  _checkmate_  didn't make any sense because they'd never made any references to chess. They'd been communicating via thrown and picked up gauntlets, right? Jacob forgot to make that salient point as soon as Edward kissed him. He sat stunned with his mouth open. His mind went blank as if he was an etch-a-sketch and Edward had just shaken him. Edward's aim was slightly off- or maybe dead on. Both of his lips slid around Jacob's top lip, which put Edward's full lower lip squarely in Jacob's mouth.

The giddy Lido patrons cheered and clinked their glasses victoriously. They celebrated the kiss as if they were the reason for it. Which was entirely true.

Edward's lips closed gently over the other's top lip. He swiped the tip of his tongue lightly over Jacob's skin before he pulled away. He stood upright, spun and bowed to his audience. He received many hand shakes and claps on his back as the crowd dispersed and turned their attention to the next karaoke performer, who had sadly chosen  _Piano Man_. Bummer.

Jacob sat stone-still as he stared at Edward with wide eyes. He was fairly certain Edward had just kissed him full on the mouth. He was pretty sure there had been a little tongue action. He was positive that it had been too short andY kinda  _hot_.

Edward turned back to Jacob, his infamous smirk pulling one side of his lips up. When he saw Jacob's blank expression, he tried to listen to the wolf's thoughts. All he got was static noise, like a radio set between stations. Smirk forgotten, Edward sat beside Jacob and touched his arm. "Jake?"

Jacob shook himself at the sound of Edward using his nickname. He cocked his head and looked at the vampire and saw concern in his weird golden eyes. Only his family and old friends called him Jake, but hearing it in Edward's dulcet voice felt right. Somehow, they'd become friends during their stay in Venice. It'd been three weeks since he'd convinced Edward to not die. His father and his alpha had asked him to return to La Push, but there was something holding him back. There was a heavy weight on his shoulders when he thought of going home. Home, as the expression goes, is where the responsibility is. Or maybe it was the heart. No, he was pretty sure it was responsibility.

Venice was where Edward was. So yeah, he stayed. He refused to consider why that was true. Edward was a friend, that's all.  _But..._

"You kissed me," Jacob said matter-of-factly. "Just now, you  _kissed_  me. In a crowded bar."

"Sorry about that," Edward said with a grin. He never used to grin, but somehow, he found it a necessary facial expression when dealing with his new friend. "I got swept up in the moment. The audience would've rioted had I not followed through. Trust me; I heard their very determined thoughts."

"Are you, like... gayish?" Jacob asked, scrunching up his nose in confusion.

"Gayish?"

"Yeah," Jacob nodded. "Do you ever go gay?"

"Not really..."

"Not really?"

"Well," Edward said, and started to finger the lip of the votive candleholder on the table. "There was this one time... Why are we talking about this?"

"Because you kissed me."

"For the show," Edward said. "I'm sorry if I offended your delicate sensibilities."

"I'm not offended," Jacob replied.

"Oh," Edward hesitated before continuing. He felt obligated to ask. "Are  _you_  gay?"

"A little bit," Jacob said with a smile.

"Can you be a little gay?"

"I don't know. Can you be a little pregnant?"

"No."

"Well, there you go."

Edward blew out the little flame he'd been playing with a surprised exhale of breath. His preternatural mind stumbled. He replayed the conversation and thought Jacob had just come out to him, but he wanted to be sure. "So... you're gay?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Jacob said again. He glanced at the stage and saw The Piano Man trying to keep the camp alive... and failing. "You want to get out of here?"

Edward nodded, gathered Jacob's bag of illegally obtained absinthe and stood. He followed Jacob out of the bar and they walked back to their hotel in awkward silence. Before Edward could formulate a thought worthy of being spoken aloud, they stood in the den of their shared suite. He started to speak, but Jacob beat him to the punch, bidding him a good night as he retreated to his bedroom.

Edward stood still, his eyes fixated on Jacob's closed door. He heard the boy's thoughts as if Jacob was using a megaphone in a Carthusian monastery.

On the other side of the door, Jacob picked up his cell phone.  _What the hell was I thinking? I just effin'_ _came_ out  _to him_. He scrolled to Bella's name. He needed his best friend, but he hesitated, unsure if he could actually tell her what was wrong.

"Hello?" a voice came out of the phone, startling Jacob. His fingers had taken charge and had dialed Bella's number. She sounded groggy, like he'd woken her up. He glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. It was early evening in Forks; no way should she be asleep. "Jake? Are you there? So help me, if you woke me up because you've pocket dialed me again, I'm going to kill you."

"Sorry, Bella," Jacob hurried to say. He smiled at the sound of her voice. "I didn't realize you're so old that you go to bed before the sun these days. Did you remember to take your blood pressure medication?"

"Shove off, you infant," Bella laughed and then yawned. "I was wondering when you'd remember I existed. How's Venice?"

"It's awesome. You'd love it," Jacob said easily. "It's so Italian. You'd love it. How's Quil?"

"He's great," she said with absolute conviction. Jacob thought he heard a double entendre in her  _great_  but chose to ignore it. She cut straight to the chase. "Let's skip the small talk, ok? International calls are not cheap. Is everything okay? How's Edward?"

He paused, international calling costs be damned. He noted that Bella's voice didn't waver or break when she said her ex's name. There was a muffled giggle from Bella, followed by a distinctly male chuckle. "Is Quil there?"

"Yeah," Bella admitted. "We were taking a nap. To Quil she said: "It's Jake.  _Stop it_."

"I'm interrupting something very disturbing, aren't I?" he asked. He waited for Bella's laughing denial, but he got an earful of lip smacking instead. "Oh, ugh, Bella, I'm hanging up. I do not want to listen to you two breeders going at it."

"No, wait! Quil, stop distracting me," Bella cried. Her voice jarred and Jacob could picture her jogging a safe distance from her imprinted so she could concentrate. "What's up? How's Venice?"

"We already covered that, Bells."

"Right," she laughed with a touch of embarrassment. "How's Edward?"

"He's great," Jacob said, mimicking Bella's earlier response. He made his voice breathy and high pitched. Bella laughed, as he hoped she would. "Hey, Bells, are you happy?"

"You called me from Italy to ask if I'm happy?"

"Yeah, I did. So, are you?"

 _"Insanely_  happy," Bella said. The truth of her words was evident. "It should be illegal to be as happy as I am. Quil is... everything."

"Everything?"

"Yeah,  _every_ thing."

"All right then," Jacob said with a chuckle. He couldn't tell her about the kiss. He couldn't ask for her advice, as he naturally wanted to do. He wanted her to tell him to go for it, like the time he'd had a crush on Mike Newton- that hadn't worked out well, but Bella had been there to soothe his wounded pride. This time was different. This time it was Edward, for god's sake. He'd have to work it out alone. "Good night, Bella."

"'Night, Jake."

"Hey," Jacob called before she could hang up. "Kiss Quil for me."

Bella laughed and then the line went dead. He tossed his phone to the bed and pulled his shirt off. His head swirled with visions of the brief kiss with Edward. He clicked his tongue and sighed. He felt cheated. He'd been too shocked to participate, and had therefore been robbed of truly experiencing it. Edward was a sublime specimen of male beauty and Jacob had thrown away his one chance to taste him.

Three quick raps on the door stopped Jacob with his hand on the button fly of his dark jeans. It could only be Edward. Jacob belatedly remembered Edward's uncanny ability to hear his thoughts. He cursed fluently under his breath and at the same time, prayed adamantly that his suite mate had not been tuned into his particular thought frequency. If Jacob didn=t go to hell for the whole gay thing, he was definitely going for blasphemy. Dammit.

Bracing himself for humiliation, he opened the door to find Edward leaning toward him, one arm draped along each side of the doorway, his face pulled into a cat-who-ate-the-canary smile. Damn, damn, damn. That was the face of a man who knew your innermost thoughts. Diz-amn.

"You have quite a mouth on you, Jacob."

"That's what she said," Jacob said automatically with a nervous laugh. What the hell? A  _nervous_  laugh? He wondered how he could turn back the clock and get back to their easy, fun friendship. Surely there was a vampire out there who could bend the time and pop back in time and slug Jacob before he could come prancing out of the closet. Maybe he would've picked two beefy, masculine songs for them... maybe some Metallica or NSYNC or something.

Edward's smile broadened as he took in Jacob's mental quagmire.

"What's up?" Jacob asked, planting one hand on his hip and one foot on the bed in an effort to look relaxed and unaffected. Instead, he looked like a half-dressed, unmustachioed Captain Morgan.

"I don't want you to feel cheated, Jake," Edward said. He dropped his arms and stepped into the room. Jacob dropped his stance and stepped further away. Edward stepped forward. Jacob stepped back. Edward stepped forward. Jacob stepped back. "Stand still. I feel like I'm stalking you."

"You totally  _are_  stalking me."

"I wouldn't be if you held still."

"Okay then."

Jacob waited for Edward to do something, say something, but neither boy made a move. Jacob took the chance to catalog Edward's features. His skin was flawless. His cheekbones and jaw line were so chiseled that they looked like they belonged on Mt. Rushmore. His eyebrows were perfectly coiffed and his eyelashes were the length any girl would kill for. His eyes were slightly slanted and added to the air of mystery that floated around him. His hair was artfully disheveled- and would've looked ridiculous on anyone but him. Finally, Jacob locked on his full, pink lips and thought he'd risk hell for just one good go at that mouth.

Edward chuckled.

Jacob swore again, and then began singing in his head.  _You got me begging you for mercy. Why won_ _t you release me?_

"Are you singing Duffy?"

"Yeah, Jacob scowled at the other boy. "Stop doing that."

"I can't help it," Edward said which was partially true. He heard everything, but he only tuned in on those thoughts he was interested in. He was pleased to know that Jacob's thought-singing voice was as glorious as his actual voice. "You sure do like women singers, huh? I thought classic rock was your favorite."

"Yeah, well, I lied," Jacob said petulantly. He walked forward slowly, advancing on Edward, stabbing him in the chest with two fingers. "You might as well know, now that the gay's out of the bag. I like Cher and Duffy and Indigo Girls and Jennifer Nettles and Ani DiFranco and Dolly Parton. You gotta problem with that?"

"Not even one," Edward said, craning his head to look up at Jacob. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"No."  _Yes, duh_.

"Liar," Edward laughed and Jacob made an offended noise. "Come on, Jake, here's your chance to participate."

"Are you crazy?" Jacob demanded.

"No."

"Liar."

"Be that as it may," Edward laughed again. "Kiss me. You know you want to."

"Fine," Jacob threw his hands in the air. "But I'm only doing this under duress, to shut you up."

"Li-" Edward said, but his  _ar_  was aborted when Jacob pressed his lips to Edward's. The vampire's hands reflexively came up and gripped Jacob's arms, pinning the younger boy against him. They stood pressed intimately together in a long, uncomfortably still embrace. Finally, Jacob drew back.

"There," Jacob asked. "Satisfied?"

"No," Edward said. With inhuman speed, he pressed his mouth to Jacob's once again. Jacob tried to jerk away, but Edward trapped the other boy's face in his hands. He forced his tongue into Jacob's mouth.

"Mmph!" Jacob exclaimed.

Edward tilted his head and used every technique on kissing he'd ever read in books. He swirled, licked, lapped, laved and stabbed with his tongue, but Jacob remained unmoved. When Edward finally pulled away, frustration was etched into his features.

"Are you done?" Jacob asked him calmly.

Edward released him and turned away, defeated. He'd made himself available and Jacob had rejected him. He had mistakenly thought Jacob was interested in him. He misread Jacob's attention. Of course Jake wasn't interested. He was a soulless vampire and the werewolf's natural enemy. He felt like a douche. "Sorry again."

Jacob watched in amazement as Edward slunk away. He'd just rejected the gorgeous centenarian, but not for the reasons Edward probably assumed. He had been taken by surprise. The possibility of Edward had never crossed his mind. He had purposefully viewed Edward as a friend and nothing more. He'd assumed Edward was straight, so he put his guard up and forced himself to ignore his attraction to the delicious boy. He thought they'd been joking-goading each other to see how far the other would go. By the set of Edward's shoulders, Jacob realized he'd gotten it wrong. And he intended to fix it.

"Edward," he said softly. Edward stopped, but did not turn. Jacob approached slowly, his heart pounding in a slow, drawn out  _boooom-boooom-pow_. He stood just behind the vampire and still Edward did not move. "E, look at me."

Edward turned to face Jacob. His pale face was smooth and controlled. He reminded Jacob of the Edward he remembered from Forks. Calm, cool and aloof. Jacob didn't like it one bit.

"Not like that," Jacob said. "Like  _this_."

He reached out and cupped Edward's cheek briefly before sliding his hand to the back of the shorter boy's neck. His thumb brushed along Edward's hairline, feeling the cool silky skin. His other hand reached out and touched Edward's chest, just where the vampire's useless heart sat. With the smallest amount of pressure to his neck, Jacob brought their bodies into full contact. Edward inhaled sharply. With deliberate slowness, Jacob leaned down and fit his lips to Edward's.

Their mouths opened automatically against each other, but no tongues sought to dominate the kiss. Hot and cold breaths met and sizzled into steam as the pair kissed and suckled each other's lips. Jacob's fingers tensed against Edward's chest, digging in slightly before traveling up and over Edward's shoulder. He pulled Edward closer.

Edward moaned a tiny moan and threaded his fingers through Jacob's straight black hair. He understood what Jacob was telling him-  _showing_ him with his mouth. Jacob wanted a kiss, not a battle, not a conquest. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, keeping the unspoken parameters intact. He pulled Jacob's lower lip between his own and reveled in the undeniably masculine taste. He had never shared such an erotic kiss with anyone in his whole life- or unlife.

The world shifted beneath Jacob's feet. Time stood still as their mouths danced together. He wondered why kissing wasn't an Olympic pairs sport, because he was damn sure he and Edward could medal in it. With great reluctance, he pulled away.

"Like that," he told Edward. "Like  _that_."

Edward nodded. "Like that."


	5. Dancing With the Green Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward teaches Jacob how to drink absinthe. And a little more.

Edward stood outside Jacob's bedroom, his back against the closed door. He listened to the light subconscious thoughts of the other boy's dreams. In the dream, Jacob was a small boy, rolling down a hill to the delight of a beautiful woman, who was clearly his mother.  _Jacob flung himself with abandon down the hill, never pausing to consider safety. He believed himself invincible; with his mother at his side, he_ was _invincible. Over and over again, little Jacob rolled down the hill and, when he reached the bottom, jumped up and crawled back to the top of the hill to do it again. His round face was flushed with joviality. His top two teeth were missing and a smattering of leaves stuck to his hair. His jeans were patched at the knees and he wore a Power Rangers tee shirt. His mother, Sara, clapped her hands and laughed at her son's antics._  Edward smiled at the glowing love in Sara's eyes.  _She called him Jakey-Jake and hugged him tightly_  before _each journey down the hill. Jacob wasn't quick to let his mother go. He was the age that mothers are deities in the eyes of their offspring._

Edward noticed a line of thunderclouds sneaking into the scene.  _Jacob's dream self rolled down the hill, but this time, he lied still at the bottom, sprawled on his back. He stared up at the ominous clouds with fear in his eyes. From the top of the hill, Sara called down to her son, reminding him to brush his teeth, say please and thank you, pick up his jacks from the living room floor, don't watch too much TV, that_ i _comes before_ e _except after_ c _, don't hit his sisters, eat his spinach—it'll make him strong, find someone to love and don't let go, be good, be brave, learn the legends, work on his penmanship, practice tying his shoe, and that she loved him. Above all things, she reminded him that she loved him._

_Little Jacob clambered to his knees and tried to climb up the hill, but some invisible force restrained his little body. His small fingers dug into the fresh spring dirt; his knees sunk into the damp earth, staining his knees at the patches. His dark eyes were wide and unblinking as he stared at his mother above him. He started crying out for Sara to come to him, a frantic screeching sound._

The sound of Jacob's terrified cries shook Edward to his core.

_Sara reached out to her son, but the thunderclouds descended and rumbled the ground beneath her feet. The cloud turned into a hideous smoke monster as big as house. She screamed, but Jacob never heard her. The monster reached out and punched Sara in the mouth, his smoky fist snaking down her throat and gripping her words of love. Little Jacob got to his feet and ran as fast as he could up the hill. He had to save his mother._

The monster turned, its eyes glowed orange and red like flames. Jacob's bravery faltered and in that time, the monster flexed the hand down his mother, stretching his fingers wide. With a terrific shriek of pain, Sara exploded.

Edward muttered a profanity under his breath. Without thinking, he burst into Jacob's bedroom, ready to defend the boy against his dreams.

Jacob was ripped from sleep, his thoughts panicked and disjointed. He swallowed thickly and sat up, his eyes automatically scanning the room for the monster of his dreams. Instead of the cloud monster, he saw a monster of a different variety: Edward.

"Hey," Jacob said. His voice was deep and raspy from sleep. "What are you doing in here?"

"I…" Edward stopped. He had acted out of instinct. His need to protect Jacob overwhelmed him—even if the threat came from inside Jacob's own head. "I heard your dream and I…"

"Aww," Jacob rubbed his eyes and fell back against his pillow. "Were you going to defend me from the Boogeyman?"

"Yes," Edward admitted. His chest remained tight after the nightmare, as if it was his own. He needed to reassure himself that Jacob was safe. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, sure," Jacob said. "Sure. I have that one a lot."

"Is your mother…?" Edward trailed off. Dead hung in the air, but he couldn't force the word from his mouth.

"Yeah," Jacob confirmed. He rolled onto his side and drew his knees up to his chest, like the Jacob from his dream would have. "A long time ago."

Edward didn't stop himself from approaching the bed. He dropped to his knees so that their face was level with Jacob's. He reached out and touched the boy's face, smoothing the wayward strands of hair away from his eyes and over his ear. They hadn't touched each other since the night of their three kisses. It'd been one solid week; Edward was keeping track. They'd returned to their relaxed friendship as if the kisses had never happened. They slept during the day, toured the city by twilight and hit karaoke bars at night. It was their shared mission to find a song the other could not sing successfully. They'd covered everything from jazz standards to death metal. They'd laughed at each other until their faces threatened to break apart. But now, there was no laughing, not with the memory of Jacob's dream still circling the room.

"I'm okay," Jacob whispered, more for himself than for Edward's benefit. He smiled at his friend. "But damn, I could use a drink."

"I'll get you a glass of water," Edward said, on his feet and across the room before he ever started to speak.

"No, E," Jacob chuckled without feeling. "I need a drink. Something to kill some brain cells."

"You still have the absinthe," Edward suggested. He'd taken it upon himself to buy the sugar cubes and special straining spoon needed to prepare the drink. He nodded his head toward the living room. "Come on, I'll drink with you."

"You can drink?" Jacob asked, pushing back the covers and padding across the room. He stopped long enough to step into a pair of plaid pajama bottoms before joining Edward in the living room.

"Sure I can," Edward said with a grin. He pulled the dark blue bottle of absinthe out of the brown paper bag from Lido. Beside it he placed the strainer, the package of sugar cubes, a bottle of water and a Bic lighter on the intricately carved coffee table in front of the couch. "Grab a couple of glasses from the bar. Do you want to do it the French way, or the Bohemian way?"

"What's the difference?" Jacob picked up two glasses and took them to Edward. He dropped to the couch and watched as the other boy poured a shot of the green liquid into each.

"The French do it with water. The Bohemians do it with fire."

"French," Jacob said instantly. He waggled his eyebrows with a teasing suggestion, which Edward patently ignored. "Everything is better in French."

"Absinthe is called la fee verte, the Green Fairy," Edward said as he set a sugar cube on the silver strainer spoon. He placed the strainer on the rim of the first glass. "It got a bad rap in the nineteenth century. Polite society thought it drove its drinkers mad. Writers and artists claimed it gave them unending creativity and insight. Its 144 proof, so really, it just gets you drunk very quickly. Or so I understand."

"Thanks for that, Professor Cullen," Jacob joked.

Edward snorted and slowly poured water over the absinthe-sugar cube-strainer tower. The emerald green liquid slowly transformed to an opalescent milky green. "This is called louche, when you add water." Jacob made an impressed sound. Edward handed the glass to Jacob. "Here, try it."

"Aren't you going to do yours?"

"Nah," Edward picked up the second glass. "I think I stand a better chance of tasting it if it's neat."

"Neat?"

"Straight up," Edward held his glass in the air. "Salute."

"Cheers," Jacob clinked his glass to Edwards and then took a tentative sip. It burned an opalescent milky green path down his tongue, past his throat and straight to his chest. "Jesus H. Christ!"

"And that's diluted," Edward said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Want to try it my way?"

Jacob nodded, despite his throat begging for him to come to his senses. He took Edward's glass and lifted it to his lips. As he swallowed, he wondered if Edward had indeed used fire. A straight path of flame tore down his gullet. He coughed, shuddered and thrust the glass back to Edward. "Good God."

"Not what you expected?"

"It's like drinking lava," Jacob said. He took another sip of his own drink and found it wasn't as hot, perhaps because the green fire had burned all of his taste buds off. "I like it. I think just one glass and then I'll head back to bed.

That was two hours ago.

"It sucks that you aren't feeling this," Jacob mused, swirling his third glass of  _louche_ d absinthe. "I know I'm drunk, but it's like a  _lucid_  drunk. It's awesome."

"I've never been drunk," Edward said wistfully. At Jacob's curious look, he continued. "I was only seventeen when Carlisle changed me. I had responsibilities at home before I died, so I was never around alcohol."

"I'm only sixteen," Jacob bragged, swigging more absinthe.

"Yes," Edward said. He reached forward and playfully tried to steal Jacob's glass. "I am definitely contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"Back off, Dracula," Jacob swatted the other's pale hand away.

"What does it feel like?" Edward asked. "Being drunk I mean."

" _This_  drunk is very different than the other drunks I've been."

"Are you a consummate drunk?"

"God no," Jacob's large swallow seemed to contradict his words. "I've been drunk exactly three times. The first time was when I was ten. I snuck a couple of beers from the refrigerator while Billy and Charlie were watching football. I drank them both in about ten minutes and made myself incredibly sick."

They laughed together as Edward gleaned more details from Jacob's thoughts. The image of ten-year-old Jacob hugging the toilet and begging for death made Edward giggle like an undead school girl.

"The second time was with Bella a few months ago," Jacob said. He didn't notice that Edward smiled in response to her name instead of cringing. "She brought over a dusty bottle of Jack Daniels she found in her kitchen cabinets."

"Did you get sick again?"

"Oh yeah, and what epically bad timing  _that_  was!" Jacob laughed loudly, slapping his palm against his knee. "I had just kissed her—yeah, that's how strong Jack is—it made me straight for a hot second. As soon as we were done, I hurled. We laughed about it, but seriously, no one wants someone to yak after kissing them. It kills the ego."

Edward waited for the pain. He'd just heard about Bella kissing Jacob. He should be hurting… ah, there it was. Jealousy. He narrowed his eyes at Jacob, angry that he'd kissed Bella.

"You ok, E?"

"Did Bella kiss you back?"

"Oh sure," Jacob said, the absinthe dulling his rational decision making skills. "She was wicked into it."

"Grr," Edward said.

"She was all  _mwha-mwha-mwha-mwwwwha_ ," Jacob mimed making out by wrapping his arms around himself and running his hands up and down his own back. Edward jerked to his feet and paced the length of the coffee table. "At first anyway. We both were."

"At first?"

"Yeah, but then I was like 'eww, you're a girl'," Jacob pushed pretend-Bella away and stuck out his tongue. "And she was all 'eww, you're not Quil', even though she hadn't accepted the imprint yet."

Edward dragged a hand over his eyes. He was relieved Bella had come to her senses and remembered Quil. If she'd continued to molest Jake, he'd have been furious.

 _Um, whoa_.

"You ok?" Jacob asked again. He drained his glass and stood up, his destination unclear even to him. "You look like someone just stole your last bloodtini."

Edward couldn't help but laugh. Jacob swayed. Then, he staggered and hit his knees against the coffee table. As he lurched forward, falling, he thought about his precious absinthe and hoped Edward would save it from certain death.

"Save the  _absinthe_?" Edward asked incredulously. He held Jacob's back against his chest. He'd reacted quickly when the boy began to fall, but not to save the absinthe. "You ridiculous dog."

"Oh no," Jacob cried and swung his head looking for the blue bottle of butterflies and poppy fields. "My Green Fairy! Where are you?"

Edward guffawed. "Don't worry. I managed to save you both."

"My hero," Jacob exclaimed. He pirouetted in Edward's arms so that they were chest-to-chest, face-to-face. He threw his arms around the vampire's neck. Edward thought Jacob might've spoken too soon about his lucid drunkenness. "You're Super Vamp! I'll be your loyal sidekick Wonder Gay."

"Yeah?" Edward snickered, enjoying drunk Jacob immensely. "What's your super power, Wonder Gay?"

"I can redecorate a room with a can of spray adhesive and a bedazzler in 2.6 seconds," Jacob announced, striking a traditional super hero stance with one arm straight out and the other fisted behind his head. "I can suck the chrome off a bumper! I can do this!"

He pulled Edward's face to his and kissed him soundly. He released the other boy's face and held his arms aloft in a  _ta-da_  pose. He started to turn away, but Edward stopped him.

"No," Edward said. "Don't go. Kiss me, Jake."

And so, a week after their first three kisses, Jacob kissed Edward once again.


	6. She's Baaaack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice is back to cause turmoil and stir up feels.

Edward leaned up on the balls of his feet to give Jacob better access to his mouth. He'd learned his lesson and kept his tongue to himself. It didn't matter. Jacob maneuvered his lips like a master. He was Mozart at his piano. He was Picasso at his easel. He was Derek Jeter sliding into home. Jacob's fingers danced down Edward's arms and wrapped around his wrists. The larger boy tugged Edward's arms pushed the boy's arms behind him, where they crossed at the wrists and rested on the small of his back. He could have easily broken Jacob's hold, but he felt no desire to do so. He surrendered to Jacob in totality.

Jacob pulled his mouth away to drag his lips over Edward's chiseled jaw. His teeth scraped across the other's neck, his breath fogging as it hit Edward's frigid skin. Edward tilted his head and whimpered, encouraging Jacob to continue. When Jacob bit the sensitive skin just below Edward's ear, he gasped but held still, remaining passively captive in Jacob's hands. The wolf worked his way back to Edward's lips, sliding wet kisses over his jaw. Edward tasted like Peppermint Patties and raspberries. When he reached Edward's mouth, he found it open and waiting. His tongue slid in and licked the roof of Edward's mouth. Edward shuddered at the sensation and noted the No Tongue ban had been lifted. He let Jacob's tongue explore him, waiting patiently as Jacob took his time to examine every nook and cranny in his mouth.

"God," Jacob pulled away suddenly, gasping for air. His lungs collapsed under the constant banging of his heart. He wondered when he'd had a UFC fighter installed in his chest. "E…"

Edward gently pulled his wrists out of Jacob's grasp and planted them on the younger boy's hips. It was  _his_  turn. He pulled Jacob back and recaptured his lips in a soul searing kiss. He sought to claim ever corner of Jacob's mouth, causing the wolf to moan. Edward swallowed it whole, drinking it down as if it was a delicious delicacy. Edward's cool hands slid up Jacob's bare back, goose bumps forming wherever he touched. His fingers curled into the hotness of Jacob's shoulders, his fingernails marking the Quileute's skin with eight crescent shape indentions. Jacob pressed his chest into Edward's, eager for the contact, for the pleasure of pain. Edward ripped his lips away from Jacob's and latched onto his ear lobe.

"Edward," Jacob rasped. He was dying. He felt his body humming in preparation of explosion. "God,  _Edward_."

Edward smirked around the ear lobe he nibbled, proud of his ability to reduce Jacob to panting his name. Edward; it had never sounded better than when it fell from Jacob's lips. He nipped the lobe one last time, and then sought Jacob's lips once again. They kissed themselves into frenzy. The contact from pelvis to chest was not enough. Jacob wanted to crawl inside of Edward's mouth to get closer. Edward wanted to peel his skin back and wrap it around Jacob, to absorb him into his being.

"Bedroom," Jacob croaked, tugging Edward away from the couch. If he was dying, he needed to be horizontal… with Edward grinding into him. Edward eagerly complied, guiding them across the room, their mouths melded together. His knees hit the rumpled bed and he let himself fall back, taking Jacob with him.

"Sorry about your shirt," Jacob muttered, running his hands under the fabric of Edward's gray tee shirt.

Edward looked down in time to see Jacob wrench the front of his shirt away with one pull. He started to laugh at the pre-emptive apology, but Jacob's lips landed on his chest and he the laughter was lost. He groaned and arched up as his skin boiled beneath Jacob's molten tongue. For the first time since his change into a vampire, Edward felt hot. He found it disconcerting and unbalancing. He had to release the heat before it destroyed him. He wrapped his arms around Jacob and rolled so he straddled Jacob's hips. Gazing in wonder at the bronze skin beneath his hands, he raked his fingernails down Jacob's chest, tearing a cry from the wolf. He marveled at the narrow scratches he'd created. Tiny drops of blood sprung forth, bursting with an earthy scent Edward was powerless to resist. He lurched forward and flattened his tongue against the red elixir of life.

Jacob grabbed Edward by the hair and pressed him harder against his bleeding chest. He didn't know if Edward would sink his teeth into his skin and drain him dry—and he didn't care. He wanted Edward to drink him, to mark him, to take him.

 _Bleed for me_ , Edward thought.

 _Consume me_ , Jacob thought.

For Jacob, the feel of Edward was a revelation. He'd known he was gay for years. He'd been with guys before, of course he had. There were always boys to jack or suck off—the quarterback of the rez's pick up football team, the cashier at the Auto Zone, the bouncer at a gay club in Seattle. He'd enjoyed his past encounters for what they'd been, a means to an end. Wham-bam, thanks man. But  _this_ —running his hands over Edward's silky skin, Edward's tongue feasting on his blood— _this_ smacked of a Life Changing Moment. Sure, he was gay, but now he knew exactly what that meant. His body responded to Edward, but more than that—more  _intense_ than that—his entire self responded to Edward.

Edward heard Jacob's thoughts and they only served to ratchet his frenzy to a higher level. He snaked up Jacob's body, dragging his bare chest in his wake. Never before had he felt such a pull, not even to Bella's blood. He'd always held back with Bella, keeping his lust in check lest he break her fragile mortal body. But now he had Jacob, unbreakable and hard, writhing beneath him. He didn't stay his hand from clenching Jacob's hips, nor did he censor his lips as they crushed again and again to Jacob's. He never would've dared lick Bella, but Jacob… he didn't dare  _stop_  licking him.

"Jake," Edward whispered. His voice was like melted chocolate pouring over succulent strawberries. "Jake, I want to fuck you."

"Wait," Jacob said abruptly. He grabbed Edward by the face and searched for something. He lightly pinched Edward's cheeks. "Is this really happening? I mean, is it the absinthe or is this real?"

Edward growled and claimed the younger boy's lips again. He nipped and licked with determination. He'd make damn sure Jacob knew it was real. The moment was more real than any Edward had ever experienced. The quivering skin under his hands, the pounding heart that tantalized his taste buds, the breath that hinted of absinthe and sugar, the rough calluses of Jacob's fingers… it was too real to deny. He would make Jacob feel the same way.

"…because I don't think you are real," Jacob said as soon as Edward relinquished his mouth. His lips throbbed from the vampire's assault and he liked it.

"I'm real," Edward said impatiently. He tried to kiss Jacob again, but his lips connected with the other's outstretched Stop Hand. " _This_  is real, Jake."

"I don't think so," Jacob said, scrunching his face in the most adorable way. No way could the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing could be real. "This is the absinthe. You are Absinthe Edward. Oh no, shhhh…  _Real_  Edward can hear my dreams. I'd be so embarrassed if he heard this dream. I have to play it coooool around Real Edward."

Edward blinked slowly. He was torn between groaning and laughing. He settled on a fine blend of both. He cursed his nature; he could not take advantage of Jacob, not when he couldn't convince the boy he wasn't a figment of some highly erotic dream. Frankly, he didn't want Jacob to sleep with him because of the absinthe. He wanted Jacob to want it, to want him, without alcoholic intervention.

"Absinthe Edward?"

"Yes, Absinthe Jake?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"That I want you to be sober when we fuck the first time."

"Ah-ha, that proves it," Jacob said with a satisfied smirk. His incredulity was confirmed. He patted himself on the back for his detective work. "You are  _not_ Real Edward."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because  _Real_  Edward would  _never_  say fuck."

Jacob woke up fearing the light. With his eyes closed, he took stock of his memory. He remembered Edward rescuing him from his nightmare about his mother. He recalled Edward's history lesson about absinthe. He remembered the fiery goodness of the absinthe itself. After that, his memory got a little wonky. He had kissed Edward again; he knew that for a fact. And then… what? Another dream, he thought, but it certainly hadn't been a nightmare. He'd dreamed Edward straddled him and practically begged for permission to fuck him. There was something else—something about Super Gay and Wonder Vamp.

"Actually, it was Super  _Vamp_  and Wonder  _Gay_."

Jacob's eyes snapped open and he jerked upright. His hands flew up in a classic  _hi-yah!_  karate motion.

Edward chuckled from his spot beside Jacob on the bed. "I don't think that will work against Super Vamp. Put down the deadly weapons, Bruce Lee."

"What are you doing in my bed?" Jacob asked, scurrying away from Edward to the far side of the massive bed. Did they have drunk sex? Did he hear Jacob's thoughts? Oh god, he did.  _I was cuddled against him, wasn't I?_

"No, we didn't. Yes I did. And yes you were."

 _Jesus_. "Owww…"

"What's wrong?"

 _Oh, my_ head _. Stupid absinthe. And quit reading my mind._

"If I agree to stop, will you use your words?"

"Fine," Jacob said and winced. "What happened last night? The last thing I—ugh. You know what? Do it again."

"Do what again?"

"Read my thoughts," Jacob said. At Edward's raised eyebrows, Jacob sighed and said, "Words hurt. Just do it that's-what-she-said."

Edward laughed at Jacob's rapid-fire delivery of an almost subconscious TWSS. "By the way, you were right. You did kiss me."

_Poop._

"But I did not  _beg_  to fuck you," Edward said, referring back to Jacob's earlier train of thought.

_Poooop._

"I merely made a hopeful suggestion."

_Poo—wait, what?_

"We would've done it," Edward slid across the mattress, stopping an inch away from Jacob. He could feel the crackle of heat jumping from Jacob's skin to his own. "Except you got it in your head that I wasn't real."

_Oh, yeah. Absinthe Edward. Whoops. So you wanted to…?_

"Absolutely," Edward said, nodding vigorously. He reached out and trailed his index finger down the side of Jacob's face. "And so did you."

_I…_

"The question is," Edward's voice dropped to a hush. "Do you still want to, now that you're sober?"

 _I'm going to hurl_. Jacob jumped from the bed and ran to the suite's bathroom. He dropped to his knees and expelled the demon known as  _la fee verte_. As he vomited he swore to every deity he'd ever heard of that he would never drink again.

Edward placed a cool hand on the back of Jacob's neck, his brow creased in concern. He knew Jacob was suffering the unfortunate aftereffects of excessive drinking, but he couldn't help feeling a little like Bella must've after  _her_  failed seduction of Jacob. His ego took a little shove.

_If you drank my blood right now, would you get drunk?_

"I don't know," Edward laughed. "Are you offering me a snack?"

_Eew, no. Wait—didn't you... you know… last night?_

"A little taste," Edward admitted reluctantly. He grimaced, anticipating Jacob's ire. And he had ever right to rage at Edward. It had been irresponsible to taste Jacob, although Edward was hard pressed to regret having the other's blood trickling down his throat. "You had a scratch."

 _That_ you _gave me._  Jacob heaved again.

"Yes," Edward laughed, unapologetic.

In the midst of Jacob's vomiting, a knock came from the main room. Edward cocked his head and heard a familiar thought pattern. He left Jacob to open the door to admit his sister Alice and his brother Jasper.

"Edward," Alice said in lieu of the warm greeting he'd expected. "You are completely ridiculous."

"Hello to you, too, Alice. Hey Jasper."

"Hey bro," Jasper gave Edward a man-hug. "I hear you're making poor choices. Again. Big surprise there."

"Do tell," Edward laughed and waved them into the suite. Alice stomped into the room and pointed in the direction of the bathroom where Jacob continued to try to die from absinthe poisoning. Her lovely face contorted in anger. Edward schooled his face into polite disinterest. "What about him?"

"Do you realize how much trouble that boy is in?" Alice asked. "With his pack? With his father? They tracked us down. They  _called us_ , Edward."

"No," Edward's smile fell away. He downloaded Alice's thoughts and found out that Jacob had blatantly refused his alpha's edict to return immediately. He heard Billy Black raging that his son had flunked the eleventh grade because he'd missed too many days of school. Edward blanched. "I had no idea."

"Edward," Jasper said as he laid a hand on Alice's shoulder in attempt to calm her down. She shook him off with an irritated sound. "He needs to go home."

Jacob groaned miserably from the bathroom, drawing Edward's attention at once.  _E? Are you in trouble? I smell leeches. Gimme a sec and I'll be good enough to fight… ugh._

"It's fine, Jake," Edward called as he walked to the bathroom. "It's only Alice and Jasper."

Jacob staggered to his feet. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot. Edward slipped one of Jacob's arms over his shoulders and helped him into the living room. He settled the sick boy onto the couch and smiled at him. He felt awful, not being able to help Jacob feel better.

"Stupid dog," Alice snapped as soon as Edward stepped away from the couch. She loomed over the prone boy, as intimidating as a poodle hopped up on Kool-Aid. " _Why_  are you doing this? Your father and your pack are livid at our family. They think Edward is holding you captive. What were you thinking?"

"I wanted to see Venice," Jacob croaked, holding his head in his hands to stop the pounding.

"You've been here over a month," Alice countered. "There is not that much to see."

"Back off, Alice," Edward said. He perched on the arm of the couch and pried Jacob's hands away from his head. He quickly pressed his own in their place, hoping the cold pressure would ease Jacob's headache.

"I mean, really," Alice continued. She ignored Edward's look of warning. She wasn't afraid of her brother. "You two are going to be together  _forever_. Would it kill you to keep the peace between our families?"

_Forever?_

"What are you talking about?" Edward demanded.

"You and Jacob," Alice said as if he was a dense three-year old.

"She saw you two," Jasper explained because clearly his wife had lost her ability to express herself. "Apparently, you two become quite the epic couple."

"Excuse me?" Jacob lifted his head, bringing Edward's hands along for the ride. "That's not possible."

"I wouldn't bet against Alice," Jasper advised with a proud smile.

"I thought you couldn't see around me," Jacob said, brushing Edward's hands away.

"Yeah, well," Alice sank gracefully into a chair opposite the couch. She smelled vaguely of Vick's Vapor Rub. "I was wrong about that."

"Then you're wrong about this, too," Jacob insisted.

"Is the thought so repulsive, Jake?" Edward asked quietly. "The thought of me… is it so bad?"

Jacob froze. He didn't know how to respond. His head hurt and he was in a room with two too many vampires. He wasn't ready to go home, but he wasn't ready to admit why.  _Edward is not gay._  He could not risk his heart for a straight vampire. He had learned what straights with a penchant for blowjobs wanted from the gay kid. A behind close doors relationship that only existed in the bed. No thanks.

"You're not gay," Jacob finally said. "Shouldn't  _you_  be the repulsed one?"

"Look," Alice said before Edward could respond. "We're vampires. We are not bound by the rigid sexual definitions humans insist on using. We accept love as it comes."

Neither Edward nor Jacob flinched at the L Word. They did love each other; there was no denying it. Together, they were themselves without restraints. Of course, that didn't mean that they were ready to have  _forever_  thrust in their faces either.

"Why don't we give you a minute?" Jasper offered. He pulled a reluctant Alice to her feet. "Come on, little pixie, let's take a walk."

Alice wasn't happy to leave. She was confident that left to their own devices, the boys would mess everything up. She went with Jasper only after directing a series of threats and directions Edward's way. He nodded once, indicating he heard her.

"So you're omnisexual?" Jacob asked as soon as the door closed on Edward's siblings. He turned to face Edward. His eyes were no longer bloodshot. His rapid healing powers had finally kicked in, removing the last vestiges of his hangover. The hurling had helped.

"I don't know," Edward answered honestly. "I never considered it. I've been with a man before. And I've been with women."

"Did you…" Jacob swallowed. He wanted to know, but was afraid to ask. "You and Bella. Did you…?"

"No," Edward said emphatically. He grasped Jacob's hands in his own. "Never. Not even close."

Jacob nodded, relieved.

"Is it Bella that gives you pause?" Edward asked as he made small circles on the back of Jacob's hands. "Do you worry about her reaction?"

"Of course I do," Jacob said. He pushed away the horrific thought of having to tell Bella that he'd swept up her cast offs. "But it's not just Bella. It's my pack, my family,  _me_. I'm only sixteen and Alice says I'm going to be with you forever. It's freaky and overwhelming."

"You'll get used to Alice."

"What about you?" Jacob asked, pulling his hands away and starting to pace. "Don't you have an opinion on this life sentence?"

"I don't bet against Alice. Ever."

"That's it?" Jacob asked, aghast. "You just give in to Tinker Bell's Magic Eight Ball?"

"No," Edward confessed with a small laugh. "I usually fight like hell against her predictions about me, even if I know it's futile. Call it sibling rivalry."

"So you're going to fight against this one?"

"No."

"No?"

"I think I like Tinker Bell's prediction this time."

"Um," Jacob licked his lips nervously. He stopped pacing and held his hands palms up, begging for mercy. "What do you want me to say, E?"

"Nothing," Edward said with a sympathetic smile. He stepped closer to Jacob, tentatively, as if approaching a wild dog. "Let's forget this conversation ever happened. We'll get you home and then we'll, we'll…"

"No we won't," Jacob said. He turned his back on Edward and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. "We'll go home and everything will change. It will not be this easy. Everything that happened here will be nullified, E. You know what they say—what happens in Venice  _stays_  in Venice."

"That's Las Vegas," Edward pointed out. He wrapped his arms around Jacob's waist and pulled him against his chest. He dropped a brief kiss on the taller boy's shoulder. "Give me a chance to show you what we can be, Jake."

"You are so sappy," Jacob chuckled. He sighed and leaned into Edward, trusting he could support him. "And persuasive."

"I'm glad you think so."

"E," Jacob said wistfully. "This is huge. Hell, we've never even been on a date and we're talking about forever."

"Jacob," Edward laughed. "We've been on history's longest date ever!"

"If you look at it that way," Jacob looked over his shoulder at Edward and grinned. He liked the warmth he saw in Edward's darkening eyes. "Hey, if we're on a date and it's ending… you're taking me home, right?"

"Yes, I have to take you home," Edward agreed with a strained face. He didn't want the date to end. He was afraid to admit that Jacob was right—everything was about to change. He just hoped it was for the better.

"Then…" Jacob turned to face Edward fully. "Are you going to kiss me on my doorstep?"

"No."

Jacob's eyebrows expressed his surprised displeasure. "Did you say no?"

"I'm going to breach etiquette and kiss you before the date is even over," Edward said with an outrageous wink. "Although come to think of it, I'm going to kiss you on your doorstep, too."

"Greedy bloodsucker."

Edward's laugh disappeared into Jacob's mouth. The pair had much to discuss and plans to make, but for several sweet moments, they just kissed.


	7. Rue the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward and Jacob return to Forks to face the music.

Jacob was nervous. The bubble of Venice had popped and reality was pressing in. In a few short hours, he'd have to face his father and Sam… and introduce them to Edward.

"At the speed we're going," Edward interrupted his train of thought. "It'll only take us thirty minutes." At Jacob's distressed expression, Edward touched Alice's shoulder. "Slow down, Alice. Jasper, a little help?"

Jacob felt the warm blanket of Jasper's forced calm wrap around him like a psychic Snuggie. He wanted to object, but honestly, he appreciated it. He was freaking out. Billy Black was a fairly liberal man. He backed the legalization of marijuana. He pledged funds to the National Organization of Women. He was a registered Libertarian—although he had voted for Obama. He'd taken Jacob's coming out with aplomb. He was the founder of the local PFLAG chapter. But Jacob had a feeling that bringing home a vampire boyfriend might be Billy Black's breaking point. Jacob shuddered with dread despite Jasper's intervention.

"It'll be ok," Edward said, taking Jacob's hand in his own.

Jacob looked down at their joined hands. It marked a first in their fledgling relationship, Edward holding his hand. It was not a gesture of lust or playful flirting. It was support and affection. He smiled and entwined his fingers with Edward's.

"Sam Uley has given us leave to cross the treaty line this once," Jasper said as the craggy coastline of First Beach came into view on the horizon. "We are allowed to deliver Jacob directly to Billy Black's house and that is all. We have exactly ten minutes to cross the line, drop Jake off and get the hell off their land."

"Ten minutes?" Jacob cried, his grip on Edward's hand turned iron. "That's driving time exactly!"

"It'll be fine," Edward repeated although he was not pleased at the time constraints. He wanted to make certain no one hurt Jacob. He was sure no one would hurt him physically, but he did not trust the pack to leave Jacob's emotions intact. "If you need me, call. I'll be wherever you are in under five minutes, treaty be damned."

"Do not break the treaty," Jacob pled, his eyes wide and serious. "That will make this worse. Please, promise me."

"I promise," Edward said although he knew he'd break his word in a second if Jacob were in danger. "Will you call anyway? I'll… worry."

"Sure," Jacob agreed, relieved by the invitation to call. He hadn't been away from Edward for more than a few hours at a time since he'd landed in Italy. It would be strange to not be able to reach out and punch Edward's shoulder and make a corny joke. Or, as was the more recent case, reach out and caress Edward's face or kiss his lips.

"It'll be fine," Edward said once again, his voice strained after hearing Jacob's unease at leaving him. He said it to convince himself.

"Hey, turn the radio up," Jacob said suddenly to Alice. "This is my all-time favorite song."

Alice punched the volume button until the car was filled with the whiskey voice of Etta James. "This is your favorite song?" Alice asked, shooting Jacob a skeptical look in the rearview mirror. "At Last?"

"Yeah," Jacob said. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He let the music sweep him away. He let go of the anticipation of Sam and Billy's anger. He let his anxiety over parting with Edward slip away. There was nothing but the smoky sound of Etta's voice and the wonderful imagery it provoked for Jacob. He smiled and enjoyed the song to its final strains. When Kool & The Gang's Celebration began, he finally opened his eyes. He found three sets of his on his face. "What?"

"Why is At Last your favorite song?" Alice asked. "It's such a cheesy wedding song."

"That's exactly why," Jacob said with a bittersweet smile. "It was my parent's wedding song. My dad's in a wheelchair and my Mom is… gone. When I hear At Last, I can imagine them together, younger, dancing and happy. I know it's not real, but it's all I've got."

There was nodding all around. Jasper appreciated the emotion in Jacob's voice—it was true and raw. Alice respected his depth and honesty. Edward… well, he fell a little more in love.

"Celebrate good times, come on!" Jacob sang in a comical falsetto. The three vampires startled out of their individual admiration of the wolf. "From one wedding song to another! Man, I could go for a conga line right about now. It's hard to be down when your conga-ing."

"Oh!" Alice laughed and snapped her fingers in a very Ah-Ha! manner. "That explains it."

"What?" All three boys asked in unison.

"I had a vision of us on the side of this road, dancing like idiots," Alice explained as she pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder. The treaty line was less than a quarter mile away. Alice opened the door and turned the radio to eleven. "Everybody out!"

Because Jasper and Edward never doubted Alice, they were out of the car with vampiric speed. Jacob stayed in his seat, staring at the Cullens incredulously.

"You're nuts," he said.

"Don't fight it, Lassie," Alice said as she began the impromptu conga line. Jasper put his hands on Alice's waist and laughed loudly. It was rare that Jasper got to dance and he was determined to enjoy every moment.

Edward held out his hand in silent invitation. His golden eyes were full of mischief—and challenge. Jacob took Edward's hand because, really, he could not ignore a challenge – or resist a good conga line.

The quartet marched and danced around the idling car. Jasper threw his head back in ecstasy, the giddiness of the moment overtaking his senses completely. When the song morphed into the undeniable beat of Y.M.C.A. they cheered and tapped into their inner Village People. Alice rode the pony. Jasper hit them with the sprinkler. Edward hustled. Jacob broke disco tradition and whipped out the running man. Just as the foursome threw their arms overhead in the classic Y to begin the choreographed spelling that made the song so famous, they were interrupted.

"Jake, what the hell?"

Three Cullens and one Black froze in their Ys as if a kindergartner had shouted "Red light!" Jacob slowly turned his head and saw Quil standing a dozen feet from the back of Alice's car with a look of appalled confusion on his face. His dark eyes roamed over the disco scene as the Village People continued to rock from the car stereo.

"Quil!" Jacob dropped his arms and jogged over to his friend, hugging him quickly. Behind him, the Cullens followed suit and dropped their arms as well. Alice clicked off the radio, leaving the scene devoid of soundtrack. "What are you doing out here?"

"Well," Quil scratched his nose and kicked the gravel with his sneakered toe. "We could see you from the cliff, but we weren't sure what you were doing. We heard squealing so I came down to see if you needed any, uh, help."

"Oh, um. I'm fine."

"You were dancing?" Quil asked after a beat of silence.

"Yeah," Jacob admitted sheepishly. "Although if you had to ask to be sure, I guess it wasn't very good."

"I wouldn't audition for America's Best Dance Crew just yet," Quil advised with a laugh. "But seriously, what gives with the Undead Soul Train?"

"We needed to blow off a little steam," Jacob said. "We got carried away. Damn Disco. It's like Kryptonite for gays… and apparently vampires."

"Sam's waiting at your place with Billy," Quil said reluctantly. He rarely missed an opportunity to bust on Jacob's gayness, but he had to get back to the pack to report. "You should get on up there."

"Yeah, yeah," Jacob's shoulders slumped. "I'll catch you later. Tell Bells I'll call her later. I doubt they'll let me out to go see her."

"Sure. Good to have you back, Jake," Quil said. He turned to leave, but Edward's voice stopped him.

"Quil," Edward said. He tentatively approached the unfamiliar wolf. He knew he was safe, but he did not want to alarm Quil. "You imprinted on Bella, right?"

"Yeah," Quil said tensely. He faced Edward with his shoulders squared and his chin high. He expected a challenge and belatedly wished he'd thought to bring a second. He and Jake were outnumbered by one; he didn't like those odds. "You're Edward?"

"Yes," Edward said. He heard Quil's thoughts and they disturbed him. Why would he want to hurt Bella's soul mate? He brushed aside the offense he took at being cast into such a monstrous role. He hesitated briefly before extending his hand to Quil. "I am very glad to meet the man whose soul was made to match hers. It is an honor."

Quil's mouth popped open and all the oxygen in his lungs was sucked out from the force of his shock. Without intending to extend the courtesy, he found himself shaking the vampire's cold hand. "Thanks."

"I hope our return does not distress Bella," Edward continued. "We will keep our distance."

"Thanks," Quil said again. He was dazed and confused by the compassion in Edward's eyes. He turned his head to look at Jacob, who was smiling proudly on the exchange. It would've struck Quil as odd, Jacob's pride, if only he hadn't been stunned into stupidity. He nodded to no one in particular, turned, and ran into the woods.

"That was kind of you," Jacob said to Edward. His hand itched to touch his vampire, but now that he knew they had a wolfish audience, he resisted the urge. "Thank you."

"It was the truth," Edward said, waving away the praise although it made him feel like a Good Man. "Quil's thoughts are kind and pure. His love and devotion to Bella is immense. I am pleased she has such a dedicated lover. And I do hope she is not upset by our return."

"Yeah," Jacob gulped and slid into the car where Alice and Jasper waited patiently. "I haven't figured out what to tell Bella about… us. I know she has Quil, but it's against the rules, you know. Thou shalt not do the ex-boyfriend of thine best friend."

"Is that from Deuteronomy 10:4?" Jasper asked in a deadpan. Alice giggled and shushed him.

"Technically," Edward said with a smile. He slid across the divide of the backseat and pressed a chaste kiss to Jacob's lips. "There is no 'doing' yet."

"I'm waiting for to beg for it."

"As if!" Edward sputtered for the second time in his undead life. "You are the dog, so you need to do the begging!"

"Oh, you are so going to rue the day you said that!"

"Did you really just say 'rue the day'?" Edward asked with a fantastic laugh. "What SyFy Channel made-for-TV-movie did you steal that from?"

"Oh, I'll make you rue all right," Jacob threatened in his best menacing werewolf growl, advancing on Edward, who scooted back to his original seat, smirking broadly.

"I've got your rue right here," Edward postured wildly.

"Bring it on, Super Vamp."

"It's already brought, Wonder Gay."

"Guys," Alice's calm soprano voice cut through the mock-fight in the backseat before it turned physical. "We're here."

Sam stood behind Billy's wheelchair, his face chiseled into a mask of reproach. Billy's dark eyes shot rays of disappointment that fell unfailingly onto Jacob despite the lightly tinted windows of Alice's car. Edward squeezed Jacob's hand, the only show of affection he dared offer under such scrutiny. Jacob held onto Edward's hand as if he was dangling from the side of a tall building. He gave no indication that he intended to let go.

"Jacob," Alice turned in the driver's seat to smile encouragingly. "It will work out, I promise. I've seen it. You'll be at our house very soon. And if I'm right, you'll have Carlisle and Esme dancing with the rest of us."

"If you're right?" Jacob asked with theatrical shock.

"I'm right," Alice snapped with a contradictory laugh. She reached out and swatted at Jacob playfully. "I even know the song, Alpo. It's—"

"Don't tell me," Jacob covered his ears and shook his head. "I trust you, Tink."

"I knew that would happen," Alice gloated. "Now get out of here. You're stinking up the car."

"It turns out I lied," Edward said to Jacob, cutting off any further banter. Jacob looked at Edward, confused. "I promised I would kiss you on your doorstep."

"Oh god, please don't," Jacob begged. A look of pure panic attacked his features. Jasper acted quickly to calm him enough to understand Edward's words. "Oh. You aren't going to kiss me here… in front of my father and alpha. For that, I thank you."

"Time's up," Sam's voice boomed from the porch. "Come inside, Jacob."

"Okay," Jacob inhaled deeply and screwed his courage to its sticking point. "Here goes nothing. See ya, Jasper. Hope you're right, Pixie Stick."

"I'll see you soon," Edward said in a voice coated with kittens and hot chocolate. He ran his fingers up the inside of Jacob's forearm, over the crease of his elbow and squeezed the bicep peeking out of his tee shirt.

Jacob's eyes fluttered shut as he enjoyed Edward's last caress. God, I'm going to miss you.

"Likewise," Edward murmured, releasing his boyfriend's arm at last.

With one last smile, Jacob got out of the car.

"As you can imagine," Sam said as he sat at the Black kitchen table. "Billy and I are curious to hear your explanation for your absence. You left the country without permission and then you refused to come home. Please—I'm dying to know—tell me what the hell you thought you were doing."

"Bella asked me to save him—Edward," Jacob began. His voice cracked like a pre-pubescent boy under the weight of his beloved's name. "He intended to commit suicide because he thought Bella had died. She didn't want him to kill himself over false information."

"Bella told me that much," Sam said with a nod. He was pleased the two stories meshed, although he in no way approved of a werewolf saving a suicidal vampire, Cullen or not. "What we fail to understand is why you did not return home immediately after you succeeded in your mission."

"I wanted to see Italy," Jacob said automatically.

"Cut the BS, Jake," Billy spoke for the first time.

"It is the truth," Jacob insisted. Anger curled around his spine, ready to strike against those who called him a liar. "Don't you get it? I am trapped here for my whole life. I am a freakin' werewolf, bound to this land forever. I'm fine with that, mostly, but I saw an opportunity to see something other than this house and I took it. So sue me; I wanted a chance to live. Just once I took something for myself. For forty-eight days, I was free. I'm back now and you have me where you want me."

Billy avoided his son's impassioned eyes. He felt guilty for depending so heavily on Jacob. He was stuck in a wheelchair and stuck on the reservation. He'd surrendered to that boxed in life after his wife died, but he did not want his children to be burdened with his choice. Rachel and Rebecca had escaped; but Jacob was right. He was trapped in a way his daughters were not. Jacob had inherited the shape-shifting gene, and as such, it was his duty to protect his family and his tribe.

"Jacob," Billy said. He reached out and took his son's hand in his own older, weathered version. "I understand your desire to explore, but you are sixteen and—"

"And responsible for the safety of this tribe, this land," Jacob said angrily. "How is I am old enough to die fighting vampires, but I am too young to go on vacation? Nice, real nice."

"What did the Cullens do to you?" This from Sam.

"None of your business," Jacob snapped in anger… and immediately regretted it. Both his father and his alpha objected loudly to the sentiment. Finally, Jacob held out his hands in surrender. "The Cullens didn't do anything to me. Unless you count feed, clothe and board me in a five-star hotel in Venice."

"High and mighty now, aren't you?" Sam growled, waving his hand at Jacob's new clothes and expensive haircut. "You got a taste of the Cullen high life and now you're too good for La P, huh?"

"No," Jacob said, blinking in surprise. "Of course not. These clothes don't matter to me. They're just new. But do you begrudge me new clothes for once in my life? Everything I've ever had has come to me after three people have already worn them out."

"No," Sam said instantly. "We're getting off track. I'm glad you got new clothes if that makes you happy. The issue here is that you disappeared."

"And now I'm back."

"Right," Sam said with a tired sigh. He'd forgotten how exhausting it was to do mental battle with Jacob. The kid was quick. "But you have to be punished. The pack order must be maintained."

"Fine, punish me."

"Overnight patrol for forty-eight days," Sam said without delay. "The exact number of days you played puppy to the Cullens."

"Fine," Jacob said, slouching his shoulders and feigning a grimace. He let the insult to the Cullens—and himself—slide. He knew better than to engage Sam in an argument about the vegetarian vampires. That would bring up questions he hoped to avoid for a little longer. Plus, he didn't feel the need to tell his alpha that his body was now used to a nocturnal schedule thanks to inconveniently sunny days in Venice. "Are we done here?"

"For now," Sam said, eager to be done with the unpalatable job of dressing down a pack member. "Patrol starts in eight hours. Get some rest."

"Not so fast," Billy's voice suspended Jacob's retreat to his bedroom. "There's more he needs to tell us."

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked, although he knew damn well what. His father had a knack for reading his only son, especially when Jacob tried to hide anything from him. So much for those questions he hoped to avoid.

"Tell us, Jake," Billy said. It was a command more compelling than Sam could ever issue.

"I…" Jacob paused to swallow the bale of cotton lodged in his throat. "I met someone in Italy."

"Ah, here's the truth then," Billy chuckled. He was relieved. The tension in the boy's body led Billy to believe he was harboring some dark secret about vampires taking over the world.

"I really did want to see Venice," Jacob said weakly. "I didn't mean to fall in love."

"Love!" Sam exclaimed, jumping up from his chair and approaching Jacob. The good thing about Sam was that he was like a piece of Whitman's chocolate— hard on the outside, but gooey in the middle. He believed in true love. Emily had made him a hopeless romantic and an incorrigible matchmaker. He wanted his pack to know the overwhelming peace that came part and parcel of love. Jacob had always been the lucky one. He was gay, so Sam found it harder to interfere. There's just not a lot of gay action to be had in a place like La Push. "Jake, why didn't you tell us sooner? I would've agreed to a longer furlough!"

"Not necessary," Jacob mumbled.

"Who is it?" Billy asked cautiously. Curse the old man and his ability to read him!

"Is he Italian?" Sam asked. He hugged Jacob in congratulations. "Is he coming here?"

"Yeah," Jacob said, his face pressed against Sam's shoulder. "He came home with me."

"Where is he then?" Sam laughed and made a big show of looking around the kitchen for the invisible boyfriend. "I only saw the… leeches… in the… oh."

"Yeah," Jacob said, moving out of Sam's embrace just in case his alpha thought his transgression was worthy of immediate death.

"Which one?" Billy asked with a heavy sigh.

"Edward," Jacob said. He absently picked at the leather band of a watch Edward had given him early in their stay in Venice. He had admired it on Edward's wrist and the next morning, Jacob found it on his nightstand.

"Bella's Edward?" Sam exclaimed.

"He's not Bella's," Jacob objected.

"Jesus H. Christ," Billy sighed again and ran a hand through his long hair. "Did it have to be a vampire?"

"I didn't plan this," Jacob said. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets. "I didn't need any help increasing my freak quotient by adding a vampire boyfriend."

"Well, what do we do now?" Sam asked to no one in particular. He leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest as he thought. "I suppose you want me to agree to let him on our land."

"No, I wasn't going to ask that," Jacob said instantly. "I can go see him at his house."

"Hell no," Billy boomed, trying to come out of his chair by lifting his body with his powerful arms. "I don't like this. I do not trust this Edward. I saw what he did to Bella. I want him to come here. If he's on our land, we can keep an eye on him."

"Where we can kill him if he hurts you," Sam added.

Jacob laughed. "No killing please."

"No promises," Sam shot back with a good-natured smile. "Jake, man, sometimes you are more trouble than you're worth. I hope you're happy."

"I am," Jacob returned with his own smile. "I'm actually shocked. I thought there would be a lot more yelling and a few ultimatums."

"Families don't give ultimatums," Billy said scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Although if that's what you expected, I'd be happy to comply. Would it change how you feel about the leech?"

"Afraid not," Jacob said with a grin.

"Well then, as the great Kenny Rogers once said," Billy intoned in the voice he reserved for tribe councils. "You've got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em."

"Well said. Amen," Sam nodded sagely. "We fold, Jake. Love the vamp, if you must. He is no immediate danger from us. I will talk to the pack."

Jacob's entire frame relaxed like a hot air balloon losing air. He hadn't expected their blessing. He had half believed that Alice's vision meant he'd be living with the Cullens after his father kicked him out and Sam banished him.

"Before you go celebrating," Sam cautioned with an apology coloring his words. "You need to take a trip into Forks."

"Ah. Bella?"

"Bella."

"She might kill you," Billy said. He sounded more cheerful at the prospect than Jacob appreciated. "You might want to take back up."

"Ha ha," Jacob said with a roll of his eyes.

"Dude," Sam said. "He's not joking."

Jacob gulped. Ah, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, I do not own "Celebration" (Kool & the Gang) or "At Last" (Etta James), or "Y.M.C.A." (The Village People).


	8. The Rabbit, the Wolf, and the Vampire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facing Bella... gulp.

"It's done," Jacob said into his fancy new Motorola Droid, a gift from Alice when they'd landed in Washington. "And I'm still alive."

"Thank god," Edward said on the heels of a breath he'd held since leaving Jacob at Billy Black's house alone. "How did they take it?"

"Like they found a fly in the punch bowl," Jacob said with a snort. "At first. They're okay now. You can come and go from La Push as you please now. The treaty doesn't apply to you. Well, you can't eat any of our people while you're here, but you can cross the border now."

"So they can kill me easier?" Edward asked, only half joking. He nodded to Esme and Carlisle as he walked out the front door of the Cullen house.

"What is with you and Sam and killing?"

"Ah-ha," Edward laughed without finding humor in the situation. "So killing me  _was_  mentioned as a possibility?"

"Of course, but…" Jacob paused, letting Edward hypothetically sweat. "I got them to agree to  _not_  kill you as long as you don't hurt me."

"Oh god."

"Oh god?" Jacob nearly dropped the phone at Edward's groan. "What the hell does  _that_  mean? If you dump me after all this— _over the damn phone_ —I will round up my wolf posse and we'll—"

"Whoa there cowboy," Edward laughed. "Don't call for your posse just yet. I only meant that the chances of me never hurting you in some capacity are pretty slim. Just look at the mess I made with Bella."

"Oy vey," Jacob said. He considered Edward's words. It reminded him of his impending tête-à-tête with his best friend, as if he needed reminding. "You were kind of a tool, E."

"Thanks a lot," Edward deadpanned. "I only wanted to protect her. I sacrificed my own happiness to keep her safe. I would have died to punish myself if you hadn't come along with your Vick's and karaoke."

"You have the biggest martyr complex I've ever seen," Jacob said as he searched for the keys to his trusty Rabbit. He hoped it would start after sitting dormant for forty-eight solid days. "Look, I'm pretty indestructible compared to Bella, so if you ever go all emo and think you should leave to protect me or whatever, do me a favor. Kick yourself in the  _cajones_  and get over yourself."

"Can one kick oneself in the  _cajones_?"

"Point taken," Jacob laughed at the visual of Edward trying to kick himself in the groin. "Get the mayor of Pixie Hollow to do it."

"Oh, Alice'd love that," Edward said and Jacob could hear the smile in his voice. "What are you doing now?"

"Trying to find my keys," Jacob said as he rifled through a pile of laundry on his dresser. "I'm going to see Bella."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Jacob paused. He still hadn't adjusted to the fact that Edward was his. It had all happened so fast; too fast, when he thought about it. Sure, Edward considered their time in Venice a deluxe-style date, but truth be told, Jacob was still reeling from it all. He thought he'd been cheated out of their second through fiftieth dates. Those were the dates that made you think about forever with someone. He thought he had years before he ran into forever. How could he be sure Edward was The One? Maybe Alice was wrong. His heart squeezed when he thought about his life without Edward, or it could've been indigestion from the fish on the airplane.

"Jacob?" Edward said in a soft, sad voice. He wished he could hear Jacob's thoughts through the phone line. Silence almost always equaled doubt.

"Yes," Jacob finally answered Edward's question about telling Bella, stretching the word out to imply the unspoken  _but_.

"Just say it," Edward snapped. "You are torturing me. Just say that you—"

"I'm going to tell Bella we are dating," Jacob said, interrupting Edward's escalating panic. He ducked his head as if Edward could see his shame. "But I am not going to tell her about Alice's vision. Not yet."

Edward tried to process the meaning behind Jacob's decision. He could fathom two possibilities. One, Jacob was seeking to protect Bella from the inevitable. Surely, despite the imprint, the news would hurt her. He hated himself for hurting Bella again. She was, after all, the one who woke his heart up. She was at least partially responsible for making him capable of loving Jacob. She was fully responsible for thrusting Jacob into his path. The second possibility hurt Edward. Jacob was having doubts about Edward. It was true that they'd moved as fast as two lesbians on their second date. If he had it his way, the U-Haul would already be loaded and they'd have two cats named Ethel and Lucy waiting for them at home. He did not doubt Alice—or Jacob.

"E?" Jacob said. His voice was hesitant; afraid he'd offended Edward. His heart pounded three angry beats:  _Don't. Leave. Me._  "I'm sorry. I'm just so damn scared."

"Of telling Bella?"

"Yeah," Jacob admitted. He kicked half-heartedly at a pile of textbooks at the foot of his bed. He was ready to give up on finding the keys and just run to Bella's house. "But that's not what I meant. I'm scared of  _this thing_  we have. It's all so fast. How can it be real?"

"Don't move," Edward said. "I'm here."

"You're what?" Jacob asked just as he heard three sharp raps on the front door. He stared at his phone dumbly.

"Hello Edward," Billy's deep voice echoed down the short hallway. Jacob hurried out of his room, a bemused grin on his face. "Come on in."

"Hello, Mr. Black," Edward offered his hand politely to Billy. He wished he'd thought to drive the Volvo so he could've warmed his hand in front of the heater before letting Jacob's father touch him for the first time. The temperature of his skin was off-putting, especially to the wolves, except apparently to Jacob who seemed to love the chill. "It is nice to finally meet you. Jacob has told me so much about you and your family."

Jacob tripped over his feet and missed his father's rejoinder. Whatever he said made both he and Edward laugh.

"You all right?" Edward asked, already at Jacob's side to help him untangle his feet. The heat from Jacob's skin seared into his own, warming him to his core. He wondered if he would ever get used to the over the top aliveness that was so perfectly Jacob.

"Yeah, first day new feet," Jacob joked.

"You should ask for smaller ones next time," Edward teased. "These are like canoes!"

Jacob laughed and punched Edward's shoulder. Billy watched the playful interaction with careful attention. They seemed so at ease with one another. He wanted to believe Jacob was safe, but he could not get beyond the fact that for the first time in history, there was a vampire in his house. He could not bear it.

"I'll let you boys talk," Billy said and wheeled himself into the micro-mini kitchen to escape the urge to throw Edward out of his house, his safe haven.

Jacob gestured for Edward to follow him to his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the twin bed and looked up at Edward. "Talk about moving fast. How did you get here so quickly?"

"I started running to you as soon as you mentioned the treaty being lifted for me," Edward said sheepishly.

"Why are you here?" Jacob asked. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but you just dropped me off, like, twenty minutes ago."

"I'm here because you're here," Edward said simply. His soul orbited Jacob like the moon orbited Earth. "And because you're scared. I want to help."

"You can't," Jacob groaned. He flopped back onto the mattress and covered his eyes with his forearm. " _You_  are the one scaring me. You seem so sure of us."

"I am."

"Because of Alice," Jacob accused.

"No," Edward corrected him. "Because you make me feel."

"Feel what?"

"Everything," Edward said. He pulled Jacob's arm away from his lovely face. "You make me feel  _alive_."

One side of Jacob's lips turned up. His eyes snapped to Edward's, where he got lost in the liquid gold, forgetting his doubts for the moment. He touched Edward's cheek. "You know," he said. "You owe me a kiss."

"Are you trying to change the subject?" Edward asked, leaning into Jacob's palm and letting his eyes close. "Because it's working."

Jacob chuckled, slid his hand from Edward's cheek to the back of his neck and pulled him down for a  _This_  kiss. Their lips met softly and lingered where they landed. Edward gripped Jacob's hip and pulled the wolf flush against his body in anticipation of morphing into a  _That_ kiss.

"Ahem."

Edward jerked away and landed on his feet on the opposite side of the room. He mentally blushed at his failure to detect Billy's approach. He had never been so focused on kissing Bella that he neglected to hear her father's thoughts. Jacob seemed to cut off all of his senses when they kissed. He tuned into Billy and heard the older man's chagrin at seeing his son in bed with his boyfriend. Edward winced at the belligerent thoughts banging around Billy's head.

Jacob propped up on his elbows and stared in horror at his father. He had never been physical with anyone in front of Billy—unless you count hugging on Bella and he  _so_  did not. As far as Jacob was concerned, his father believed he was a eunuch, and as such, completely asexual. That's how  _he_  saw  _Billy_  and that's how he wanted Billy to see him.

"Jake," Billy cleared his throat again. "I found your keys in the junk drawer. You better head out to Forks before patrol."

"Yes sir," Jacob said instantly, and then mentally slugged himself for being so formal. He hadn't addressed Billy as 'sir' since the time he'd convinced Seth to drink a concoction of dirt and milk. Boy, he'd gotten spanked good after that fiasco.

Billy's eyebrows shot skyward, the traditional Black family way of expressing surprise. Jacob jumped off the bed and bolted from the room. Avoidance of conflict was another Black family tradition.

"He forgot these," Billy said, swinging the Rabbit keys from his index finger.

"I'll take them," Edward offered and took the keys with the ironic hot pink rabbit foot dangling from a ring.

"You can read thoughts, right?"

"Yes sir," Edward said before he could stop himself.

"I apologize for mine then," Billy said with a sigh. He was guilty of bigotry and he could not stop himself. It was ingrained in him, as much so as the land that surrounded him. "He is my only son."

"I know," Edward said solemnly. "I will guard him with my life."

"I will hold you to that," Billy said with a quick nod. "Now, go chase him down and take him to Bella's."

Edward's forehead creased in thought. That task was best left to Jacob alone.

"Someone's got to protect him from her," Billy pointed out gravely. He'd seen Bella scrap with the boys in the months since Edward had been absent. She fought dirty. "Just make sure Bella doesn't see you and you'll be fine."

Edward patted Billy on the shoulder as he passed. He zipped through the house in the space of a breath and stood beside the rusty red VW Rabbit. He curled his lip in distaste, but manfully took to the wheel. The car roared to life with a proud puff of smoke. It took him a ridiculous amount of human time to catch up to Jacob, hindered as he was by the Rabbit's daunting top speed of 55mph. When he finally pulled alongside Jacob, he found the wolf grinning.

"You look adorable driving my car."

"Get in," Edward said darkly to demonstrate his displeasure at being forced to endure the ignominy of driving a POS on wheels. Of course, he internally preened at Jacob calling him adorable. He got called hot a lot—and handsome and gorgeous and once even  _nom-_ ilicious—but adorable was a first. He liked it.

"Sorry I bailed," Jacob said as he got into the car. He didn't sound too apologetic; hey, it was all about survival. "My head was exploding. My dad's never been big on PDA and, well, it's one thing to have a gay son, but to actually witness your son actively being gay? I don't think he's that liberal."

"You're wrong," Edward said with a touch of surprise. "I thought you were embarrassed of me being a vampire, not of the gayness."

"It's kind of a one-two whammy."

"Billy was bothered that you were kissing a vampire," Edward said with a crooked smile, remembering the insults Billy had mentally thrown at Edward. " _Not_  that you were kissing another man. He's absolutely fine with the gay aspect. I thought you knew that."

"Oh," Jacob bit his lip. He had hidden every aspect of his gay life from Billy. He'd been forced into coming out because of the pack's group think ability. Had it been left to him, he would've let Billy think he was straight and lonely forever. "I think I've watched Brokeback Mountain too many times. I just assumed, you know, that he was ashamed of me."

"Quite the contrary," Edward said, reaching out to grasp his boyfriend's hand. "All of his thoughts are damn near overshadowed by his pride in you. I gather he brags about you to anyone who will listen."

Jacob flushed a lovely shade of dusty rose, the color of sunset over the Pacific Ocean. They fell into silence as they drove to Forks. The path between Jake's house and Bella's was well worn. The Rabbit could propel itself there on memory and the gravitational pull of his best friend. The tidy white house came into view and Jacob's heart skipped a beat, which of course Edward noticed.

"You okay?" He asked Jacob as he parked a block away from the familiar Swan house.

"Yeah," Jacob said as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "I'm excited to see her now."

"Not nervous?"

"Oh, sure, sure I am," he grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "But I'm hoping that she'll be so happy to see me that she doesn't care that I stole her man candy."

"Did you just refer to me as man candy?"

Jacob leaned over and kissed Edward's smiling mouth. "I'll call you when I leave, Man Candy."

"No need. I'll be right here," Edward said, patting the Rabbit's decrepit dash. "I noticed the doors do not lock. Someone's got to guard this trash heap."

"Don't insult Bugs!" Jacob cried and knocked Edward's hand away. He stroked the cracked dash lovingly. "I rescued him from the dump and brought him back to life. He deserves our  _respect_  for his bravery."

"Bugs?" Edward asked because he thought the pressure of the day had left Jacob loopy and talking in tongues. "Bravery?"

"As in Bugs Bunny, get it,  _Rabbit_ ,  _Bugs Bunny_ ," Jacob answered with a roll of his eyes. Leave it to him to land a vampire who never watched Loony Tunes. "And yes, bravery. Bugs is out on these streets, doing the best he can on 250,000 miles while those stupid Volvos, Porsches and Audis streak by flaunting their low mileage and fuel efficiency. Bugs never lets it bother him."

" _You_  are adorable," Edward said fondly. He picked up Jacob's hand and kissed the inside of his wrist. He gently pulled the blue vein he found there between his lips and rolled it between his teeth, reveling in the temptation to taste his wolf again. Jacob's breath caught at the dangerous sensation and Edward drew away. "Go on then, talk to Bella. I'll watch after Bugs."

Jacob rubbed his wrist where Edward's teeth had just been. His skin tingled as if he'd hit his funny bone on the corner of a table. With one last smile, he got out of his much-maligned car and jogged toward Bella's house. He hesitated with his fist inches from her door. Once he knocked, he was opening a potentially hazardous can worms masquerading as magazine-subscription-sized issues.

The door yanked back to reveal Bella, her dark hair flying wildly around her head. She grinned hugely before launching herself into Jacob's arms with a squeal. Not once did she doubt he would fail to catch her. "Jake!"

He couldn't speak. He was too happy to see her—and too afraid of losing her. He buried his nose into the bend in her neck and inhaled deeply. She carried the scent of his childhood and home on her.

"Where's Edward?" Bella asked, looking around the foyer for her ex. Seeing that Jacob was alone, she pushed out of his arms and stepped onto the porch. She scanned the street and spotted the Rabbit with Edward in the driver's seat. "Whoamigod. He drove the Rabbit?" She whipped around to stare at Jacob with wide, incredulous eyes. "He must really love you."

The sound of Jacob's jaw clattering to the ground registered a 6.2 on the Richter Scale and sent a small tsunami to the shores of Japan.

"Come on, Jake," Bella said when she saw the expression on his face. "Don't insult my intelligence."

Jacob shook his head but remained steadfastly mute in his shock.

"You've been gone nearly two full months," Bella said. She turned and motioned to Edward—who was staring at her like he'd seen a ghost. She spoke in a normal voice, knowing Edward would hear her. "Come inside, Edward. You look ridiculous in that car."

In the space of sixteen breaths, for the sake of the humans on the street, Edward climbed the three steps to the Swan's porch. His golden eyes ran over Bella like a stock boy at K-Mart surveying inventory in the Martha Stewart Every Day section. "Bella," he said by way of greeting. He did not reach for her, which felt weird to his hands. "I am glad to see you happy and alive."

"It's all thanks to you," Bella said with a genuine smile. She carefully wrapped her arms around Edward's waist—which Jacob did not like at all—and hugged him. "You gave me Quil. Thank you."

"I am gratified to know you are happy," Edward lightly touched her shoulders to return the affectionate hug. His throat tightened in response to her blood, but it was not as painful as it once was. The smell had been tainted with something slightly sour. He recognized it as wolf; not  _his_ wolf though.  _His_  wolf smelled like fresh cut spring grass and summer heat. Bella's wolf smelled like three-day-old gym socks.

"As I was saying," Bella pulled away from Edward and turned back to Jacob. "I'm not stupid. No way would you have stayed willingly with a vampire for so long unless something was up. Spill it."

"Uh," Jacob said in a stunning display of oration.

"Let me guess," Bella said as she led her mythical companions into the living room. Framed photographs of Bella and Quil and the other wolves filled every empty space available. "You, Edward, were at your most charming and angsty. And you, Jacob, swept in on your white horse and saved him from making a huge mistake. You, Jake, saw how beautiful Edward is (see, I  _told_  you) and you stuck around to stare at him. You, Edward, got a glimpse of the stellar wit—and rock hard abs—that are Jacob Black. I'm guessing you did a little staring of your own. With the help of a little social lubricant—beer and BINGO?—you, Jacob, finally made your move. Bada-bing bada-boom, two months and God only knows how many rolls in the gay hay later, here we are. Am I close?"

"Uh," Edward said.

"Actually," Jacob finally found his voice and his multi-syllabic words. "It was absinthe and karaoke."

"Nice," Bella clapped her hands and laughed.

"And  _he_  made the move," Jacob continued. He smiled at his best friend, feeling more at ease than he had a right to expect. But of course, she had Quil. She would never want Edward now that she knew Quil was meant to be hers forever.

" _Nice_ ," Bella said again. She looked at Edward like he was an old acquaintance she'd bumped into at Starbucks. "Well done, Edward. Try not to eff this one up, ok?"

"I'll do my best," Edward said stiffly as he tried to remind himself that he was happy that Bella had moved on.

"Is Alice back?" Bella asked hopefully.

"Yes, the entire family has returned."

"Will you tell her to come see me?" Bella's eyes sparkled in eagerness to see Alice again. "I have missed her so much. Please tell her to come soon."

"Of course," Edward said with a jerk of his head. He shot a glance at Jacob who stared at him with curious eyes. Edward smiled, but it felt like the corners of his mouth were weighted with war elephants.

 _I should've known. You still love her_ , Jacob thought sadly. Edward narrowed his eyes at him.

"Why don't you leave Jake with me?" Bella asked as she wrapped herself in Jacob's arms and smiled. "We have to have a fag to hag debriefing."

"Fine," Edward agreed reluctantly. He wanted to disabuse Jacob of his thoughts of betrayal, but in front of his ex-girlfriend was not the time. He stepped toward Jacob, but stopped as soon as he realized his predicament. He could not embrace Jacob in front of Bella, especially considering Bella was hanging off of him like a hoop earring on a pirate. "Call me when you are ready to come home, Jacob."

"Oh, sorry, here," Bella slipped out of Jacob's arms and gave him a shove toward his boyfriend. "Say your goodbyes. I'll be in the kitchen."

"Bye," Jacob said, his eyes downcast. He turned to walk away, but Edward caught his hands and drew him into the living room.

"I will always love her," Edward said at once. "She sent me you and for that, I love her."

"You look  _hurt_ ," Jacob accused in a whisper. "You want her to want you."

"My pride is a huge and fragile thing," Edward admitted with an apologetic smile. He brushed his knuckles over Jacob's sharp cheekbone. "I want her to be happy, but it does hurt that she dismissed me so easily."

"She didn't," Jacob said emphatically. "E, I thought she was dying after you left. She had these night terrors she would never talk about. For weeks she didn't speak or eat unless she was forced. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen. She mourned you like you'd died."

Edward hung his head. "Quil saved her."

"Yeah," Jacob said, leaning his forehead against Edward's. "He was born to save her."

"Okay," Edward smiled and stole a quick kiss. "Have fun. I'll be waiting."

"Hold it," Jacob wrapped his arms around Edward's waist, trapping the vampire's arms to his side. "What's with the Grandma kiss?"

Jacob bent his knees to bring himself level with the other boy, which made Edward laugh. Jacob swallowed the sound whole. Chest to chest they stood, basking in the simple joy of a kiss. Poetry exploded in the air around them.

"Damn, Sam wasn't lying. I thought the Undead Conga Line of Doom was bizarre." Jacob recognized Quil's voice at once. Edward jerked away, making his boyfriend stumble inelegantly. "Jake, please tell me you dropped some E or something. I mean, he seriously stinks."

"Maybe," Jacob grinned. Besides Bella, Quil was his oldest friend. He willingly accepted the good-natured joshing. "But your girlfriend smells like—"

"Hey!" Bella bellowed as she stalked into the room wielding a wooden spoon with nefarious purpose. "Watch yourself."

Jacob laughed, busted. He strode purposefully to Edward who had frozen like a caveman confronting a T. Rex. He threaded his arm through Edward's and pulled him into his side. "Bells, you smell like roses and… um…"

"Wet dog," Edward supplied, wrinkling his nose.

The room was silent for the scantest of moments. Bella was the first to laugh, followed quickly by her imprint and finally Jacob. Edward grinned as his wolf leaned heavily against him, laughing uproariously. He caught Bella watching them, her eyes tightened at the corners as if she had a headache. As soon as she realized his eyes were on her, she turned to Quil and pinned a smile on her face.

Edward didn't need to read her thoughts to understand. It  _was_  difficult for her to see him with Jacob, even though she did not doubt the love she shared with Quil. She glanced back at him and he inclined his head in understanding. She pursed her lips and gave a quick nod of her own. They were the same after all. Heartbreak had led them each to love. It was a delicate balance, saying goodbye to the pain of an old love and welcoming the happiness of a new love. Edward's pride regenerated, just as huge as before, but perhaps a little less fragile.


	9. Hyperbole is the Best Thing Ever!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! This story sorta ended abruptly due to real life issues back in 2010. I think it came (heh) at a good time, so I'm putting a fork in it. I hope you've enjoyed reading!

"Relax, Jake," Bella said to her best friend who was staring down his reflection in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. He'd brought over a selection of ten shirts and had tried them all on—at least twice. "There's no need to worry about impressing them."

"Sure sure," Jacob said with a sarcastic snort as he tried to check out his ass by looking over his shoulder and turning in slow circles. "No reason at all to want to impress the Cullens."

"They're going to love you," Bella said. She reached out to stop his tail chasing. "Well, maybe not Rosalie, but the rest will."

"They're so classy," he said mournfully. He gestured to his thrift-store Ralph Lauren button-up as if it was a black plastic trash bag with holes cut out for his arms and head. "And I'm not."

"Sweetie," Bella stepped between Jacob and the mirror, standing on her toes to block his view. "They are like that so they can live undetected amongst humans. They have all these, like, rules they follow to keep up with the humans—and stay out of the spotlight. One of the rules is that they maintain appearances at all time."

"That does not make me feel better, B," Jacob groaned. He collapsed onto Bella's unmade bed. "I'm scruffy and dirty and—"

"Funny and smart and sorta beautiful and—"

"Okay, okay, I get it," he chuckled at their old joke. Sorta beautiful indeed. He propped up on his elbows. "You are so lucky. Classy at Quil's house means Vienna sausages on those toothpicks with the fancy tops."

"I like Vienna sausages," Bella said seriously. Her lips tightened as she tried not to laugh.

"They are so freakin'  _perfect,_ " he bemoaned. "Especially Edward."

"Trust me, Jake," Bella snorted. "They are far from perfect.  _Especially_  Edward."

"He—" Jacob clenched his jaw to avoid saying  _is_. He understood that Edward had his fair share of faults. Jacob just hadn't witnessed any of those alleged faults with his own eyes.

"If you want perfection," she continued with an exaggerated sigh. "Take a long look at my Quil."

"Gross, gag!" Jacob pantomimed sticking two fingers down his throat. "Are we really going to play a round of whose boyfriend is better? Because let's face it, it's an unfair game."

"You're right," Bella said, picking a piece of lint from her friend's shoulder. "Poor Edward."

"As if," Jacob exclaimed.

"At least if I lick Quil," Bella said, jutting her chin out. "My tongue doesn't stick to him."

"Oh, ha ha," Jacob rolled his eyes. "I get it. Edward's an icicle."

"What do you got, Tall Dark and Furry?" Bella cocked her head and slapped her chest, pretending to be gangsta… and failing miserably. "Bring it!"

"Mine is faster."

"Mine has skin pigmentation."

"Mine can read minds."

"Mine is a space heater."

"That doesn't count," Jacob objected. "So am I."

"Mine is a fierce wolf."

"Me, too. Plus, mine  _glitters_."

"Yeah, well, mine can do  _this_  with his tongue."

They looked at each, Jacob in shock at his best friend's vulgar tongue demonstration in the air, Bella in victory. Two ticks of the clock later, they started laughing. They fell against each other and then back into the bed. They rolled around, arms clasping their stomachs as they howled hysterically.

Outside, twenty feet below Bella's always-cracked window, Edward Cullen and Quil Aterea sat side-by-side. They leaned against the foundation of the Swan house, slightly obscured by neatly trimmed bushes. The pair of boyfriends—and unlikely comrades—had been banished by Bella and Edward so they could get ready for their respective dates. They'd left, but they hadn't gone far. Thanks to their enhanced hearing, they had caught every single word.

"Dude," Quil cast a look at Edward. "You glitter?"

"Yes," Edward admitted reluctantly. When Quil snickered, he quickly added: "But only on sunny days."

"That doesn't make it better," Quil opined.

"Dude," Edward said after a few moments of listening to the music of Jacob's laughter. "What the hell can you do with your tongue?"

They looked at each other and started laughing.

* * *

"We've been anxious to meet you," Esme said as she opened her arms to Jacob. He tentatively stepped forward and let Edward's mother hug him. He shot Edward a scared look but remained in the embrace until Esme released him. "Alice has told you so much about you."

 _Alice? Not you?_  Jacob thought with a subtle wink at Edward. Edward rolled his eyes in response.

"Welcome," Carlisle held out his hand, which Jacob took without hesitation. He knew the doctor from the time before Jacob's transformation. He'd been a rough and tumble kid and Dr. Cullen had stitched him closed several times. "Our home is open to you."

"Thank you," Jacob murmured. He glanced at the rest of the Cullens standing behind their patriarch. They all wore varying degrees of warm smiles, ranging from Rosalie's tight-lipped to Emmett's full-teeth.

"Let him in," Edward broke through the wall of Cullens and opened his arms to his boyfriend. Jacob, panicking, high fived him in lieu of an embrace. Edward's eyebrows raised and his eyes danced merrily.

 _So_ not _okay with the love dovey in front of your folks, E._

"Right, so…" Jacob plastered a smile on his face. "What's up Cullens?"

_Seriously? Did I just say 'what's up Cullens?'_

Edward laughed and slung an arm around Jacob's shoulders, leading him further into the lair. He pointed out different doors as they went. Alice bounced along beside them like a rat terrier begging for table scraps.

"I already turned the stereo on," Alice said. "I've had YMCA stuck in my head for forever!"

"Two days, Alice," Jasper corrected from her other side.

"Hyperbole is a very human trait," Alice reminded him seriously.

"Are you hungry, Jacob?" Esme asked anxiously. She stepped in front of the traveling caravan and ushered him into the kitchen. "I wasn't sure what to make."

"I'm sure whatever you made will… be… fine…" Jacob blinked several times in an attempt to displace the mirage before him. The kitchen was packed with enough food to feed a pack of wolves, even  _his_  pack of wolves. Every surface was covered with colorful and aromatic delights. A bunch of ripe bananas hung from a hook in one corner. The baker's rack was stocked with seven different kinds of pies, five kinds of cakes and at least fifty cupcakes in assorted sizes. The bar at the far end of the kitchen resembled a nightclub, with top shelf liquor mingling with bottom shelf PBR. "Holy crap."

"Esme likes to overdo things," Rosalie commented. Her mother swatted at her.

"Here," Alice handed Jacob his phone, which she had purloined from his jacket pocket as he stood gape-mouthed in the kitchen. He looked down at it and then back at her, waiting for instructions. "Go on and call the wolves. You should invite them all, but only Sam, Seth, Quil and Paul are going to come. And Emily. Oh! And Bella, too, yay!"

Jacob shook his head to clear the cobwebs of amazement. He glanced at Edward and grinned. "Are you sure I'll get used to her doing that?"

"It's like the wind to us now," Carlisle answered with an affectionate pat to Alice's shoulder. "We only notice it when it turns nasty and destructive."

The Cullens laughed and joked Alice, calling her Hurricane Alice. Jacob set to work, calling each member of his pack. As Alice predicted, it was Sam, Seth, Paul and Quil who agreed to come. Jacob was impressed by Alice's prediction—and his brothers' willingness to enter the den of the local vampires.

The wolves arrived together—and completely clothed thanks to Emily and Bella's insistence. Bella and the Cullens fell into a happy reunion complete with Bella's overexcited embraces.

"So good to meet you, dude," Sam said, pumping Edward's hand vigorously. "I never thought it'd happen to Little J. He's so picky. And then  _blam_ , you sweep him off his canoe-like feet. Welcome to the family!"

Edward grinned at the verbal assault of goodwill. Jasper came over, all smiles, happy to be in close proximity to such a pleasant soul. Sam introduced Emily all around.

The noise level in the usually sedate Cullen home was booming. Alice, always thinking ahead, passed around industrial vats of Vicks Vapor Rub. The pack fell upon the food without reservation and with many accolades to the chef. Esme beamed under the praise and stayed busy refilling plates and cups.

Paul and Emmett led a wrestling tournament in the side yard. There was much earth shaking and tree shuddering as the vampires took turns squaring off against the unphased shifters.

"This is nice," Edward said, pulling Jacob into his arms as they watched Seth face Alice in the impromptu ring. Beside them, Bella and Emily cheered for Alice in a show of girl power. "I never imagined this could happen."

"I think I'll be in shock for the next twenty years," Jacob remarked as Alice floored Seth. Seth laughed and offered his fist for a pound. "I love these guys. They are the best family ever."

"Hyperbole," Jasper sing-songed as he walked by, proud of himself for identifying it in the wild.

"You were so concerned about their reaction," Edward pointed out. He turned Jacob so he could watch the match up between Rosalie and Quil. Jacob settled his back into Edward's chest, enjoying the chill through their shirts. "Can't you see how much they love you?"

"I see it now," Jacob said. He leaned his head back onto Edward's marble shoulder. "I don't know why I didn't see it before. Your family is awesome, too, by the way."

"I've always known that," Edward bragged.

"I wish I didn't have patrol tonight," Jacob sighed. "I'd like to…" Jacob fell silent but let his thoughts flow freely over the graphically delicious things he wanted to do with a naked Edward.

"Jake," Edward bent his head to press his lips to Jacob's sun kissed neck. "Please keep those thoughts to yourself or I'm going to drag you into the house and debauch you."

"How is that a bad thing?"

"Love," Edward's voice was barely a whisper. "Everyone here has supernatural hearing. Do you really want them to hear you pant and groan as I fuck you?"

"Not Bella and Emily," Jacob croaked, turning his head to press his face into the crook of Edward's neck.

"What?"

"Emily and Bella are human."

"Right you are," Edward whispered, kissing Jacob's temple.

"And who says I'll be the fuckee?"

"I do," Edward growled, moving his hands as quick as a shot to palm Jacob's firm bottom. Jacob jumped at the sensation. "This is mine, Jacob, and I intend to stake my claim the old-fashioned way."

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"By burying my cock in your ass."

"Jesus Christ," Jacob gasped.

"Let's go inside," Edward's hands found their way to the front of Jacob's jeans. His fingers flicked at the button and it flew into the woods, just missing Seth whose eyes were intent on the match in the ring. Jacob laughed nervously. "Alice will keep everyone busy out here."

Alice winked and nodded from across the yard. Jacob blushed all the way down to his toes. He glanced around the gathering and realized that everyone was steadfastly ignoring him. They kept their eyes on the Rosalie and Quil. They had all heard the whispered conversation—including Edward's vibrant description. Jacob's toes stung from the force of his explosive blush. By time he pulled a very ragged breath, Edward had him inside and halfway up the stairs.

"E," Jacob said between desperate kisses. "I— _kiss_ —don't know— _kiss_ —if— _kiss_ —I can do— _kiss_ —this— _kiss_ —with every— _kiss_ —one listening."

"Don't think about them," Edward said, deftly unbuttoning Jacob's shirt and towing him into his bedroom. "Think about us. Think about how right this is."

"You are so cheesy," Jacob said, his large hands working to get Edward's v-neck sweater over his head.

As each article of clothing fell away, they kissed the newly revealed expanse of skin on each other's body. Jacob's larger and darker body cast shadows against Edward's alabaster skin in the darkened room. In the distance, the sounds of their families' boisterous bonding provided the perfect make-out track.

The kissing slowed once their clothes were piled at their feet. Jacob's hands cradled Edward's head as he moved his lips over the contour of his nose, the ridges of his jaw, the smoothness of his brow. He made a small sound of longing when he returned to Edward's mouth and found it open and waiting.

Edward gently pulled away and began his own exploration, kissing his way down Jacob's neck to his broad shoulders. He dragged his tongue across the shifter's chest, which rose and fell quickly over the frantic beating of his heart. He nipped at the prominent muscles of Jacob's abdomen, enjoying the gasp it engendered and the hands that clasped his shoulders, encouraging him to do it again.

"Do you think I'm poisonous to you?" Edward asked and then circled Jacob's belly button his cold tongue.

"Not possible," Jacob said with great difficulty. Edward pulled back and looked up at his boyfriend for explanation. "You're as close to an imprint as I'll ever get. Imprints can't hurt each other."

"Interesting," Edward murmured, pressing his lips back to Jacob's body. He trailed over his lower abdomen and found the indentation of his hip. He wanted to consume Jacob; he wanted to taste him.

"Do it, Edward," Jacob rasped, twisting so his hip bumped against Edward's mouth. "Bite me."

With a growl, Edward sank his teeth into the skin radiating before him. A gush of exquisitely warm blood poured into his mouth, coating his tongue and teeth and rushing down his throat. Jacob groaned and pressed harder into Edward, who was surprised to find there was no rush of venom. Confident he was not hurting his love, he gripped the back of Jacob's thighs and pulled him closer. He drank deeply, relishing in the taste and basking in the excited thoughts rushing through Jacob's mind. Reluctantly, he pulled away and watched in fascination as Jacob's skin closed over the wound.

Jacob brushed Edward's messy hair back and stared down at his lovely face, now flushed with fresh blood. Edward looked up at him, his topaz eyes burning with adoration. A small drop of blood played at the vampire's bottom lip. Jacob swiped it away with his index finger and then offered it to the other boy. Edward opened his mouth and drew Jacob's finger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digit, treating himself to the taste of Jacob's blood as well as his skin.

Edward wrapped his cool fingers around Jacob's length, guiding it gently to his mouth. He let Jacob's finger slip away and instead wrapped his lips around the head of his cock. He pulled gently, sucking Jacob in.

Jacob groaned loudly at the sensation. Here was heaven, in his boyfriend's mouth. He steadying himself by planting both of his hands on the kneeling man's shoulders, his fingers digging in to the naked skin. He couldn't help but rock forward when Edward's tongue swirled around his tip and lapped at the sensitive bundle of nerves underneath.

 _Christ Christ Christ Christ_ , Jacob thought.  _Never this good. More more more more._

Edward wished he could relay his own thoughts back to Jacob. He wanted to tell him how the taste made him dizzy and strong. He wanted to tell him that he never wanted to stop pleasing him, never wanted to stop swallowing him.

But for now, stop he did. He pulled back slowly, as if any moment he was going to change his mind, growl and devour Jacob whole. After he finally managed to empty his mouth completely, he stood in one motion and guided Jacob to the long couch against the wall.

All pretense of seduction fell away when Jacob flipped to pin Edward on his back. Edward's eyes showed his surprise, but he did not fight against Jacob's dominion. The young wolf unceremoniously yanked his boyfriend's pants off and tossed them over his shoulder.

"Me first," Jacob said, hiking one of Edward's stone smooth legs up, supporting it with his forearm as he leaned forward. He positioned his cock, still wet from Edward's mouth, at Edward's puckered opening. He pushed forward slowly, enjoying each centimeter more than the one before it.

"Jake," Edward gasped, inpatient. He tilted his hips and in one sharp movement, impaled himself fully on his boyfriend's cock. "Like  _this_."

Jacob couldn't respond with the anticipated "like that" that had become their playful ribbing. He was too enamored with the feeling of Edward's frigidity wrapped around his own scalding hot shaft. He pressed his forehead to Edward's and tried to steady himself. He wanted to plough Edward's body roughly; he wanted to ram the understanding that Edward belonged to him deep inside, so there could be no doubt of possession.

"You won't hurt me," Edward assured him, reading his boyfriend's thoughts. He pulsed his hips downward as if to demonstrate his invulnerability. "Do it. Make me yours."

When Edward jerked his hips again, Jacob came to life with a growl. He drew back and after but a moment's hesitation, pushed forward with unerring precision. Edward threw his head back against the couch and moaned loudly.

The voices outside cut off abruptly, but neither boy stopped to wonder at it.

Jacob found a steady rhythm, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts, each tearing a pleasured sound from writhing vampire beneath him.  _Mine_ , he thought.  _All mine_.

"Yes," Edward rasped. "I'm yours. I'm yours forever."

 _You're so cheesy_.

"Don't ruin this for me," Edward said, pulling Jacob down for a kiss that cleared Jacob's thoughts of everything except pounding into Edward.

Jacob felt tightness in the pit of his stomach that signaled he was nearing completion. He snaked his hand between their bodies and wrapped his large hand around Edward's straining and leaking erection. He stroked the other man's cool, rock-hard stiffness in time with his hip thrusts. Edward whimpered into Jacob's open mouth.

 _Come_ , Jacob thought directly to Edward.  _Come for me now_.

Edward exploded with a guttural cry, pulling his lips free of Jacob's. He wrapped his legs around the other's waist and slammed himself down on Jacob's length over and over again. Jacob stilled as pleasure rocked through his body, as he released his own boiling seed deep inside of the bucking Edward.

The wolf collapsed onto the vampire's chest, his breath heaving and sweat coursing down his back.

"Best thing  _ever_ ," Edward said vehemently, kissing the top of Jacob's head.

 _Hyerbole_ , Jacob thought.  _But yeah, totally_.

From the back yard, applause.

~~END~~


End file.
